Reflections
by Sean Montgomery
Summary: How do you tell your only son that the manslayer he's heard about is none other than yourself? COMPLETE
1. Prologue

Disclaimers: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sensei does, and it'll be his best work 'til the day he dies!

Notes: Surprise! Not much to say about this one, only that it has nothing to do with the OAV of the same name. This one might be a little less 'cheery' than my other fics have been, but I need to broaden my horizons by checking out other genres. With that said, I hope I don't make you cry... too much. :)

  
  


Reflections

  
  


By Sean Montgomery

  
  
  
  


It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

The thought rolled over and over in his head. The one agonizing thought that tore at his mind and gnawed on his soul, refusing to give him moments of rest. That was why he was leaning against the wall instead of on the futon next to his dozing wife, sleeping as soundly as he wished he was himself. His mind was constantly repeating it, his heartbeat making it a cadence.

"{Why, why, why...}"

Why did it happen like this? Was it because of how hesitant he was, how nervous he was to tell his son one of the darkest secrets of his father's life? Was it because he had never wanted to tell his son at all? Was it because he had decided to lock away the fighting styles of his life forever, only to make his son angry and leave them?

His troubled breathing grew louder with his thoughts, giving small insight to the war raging in his mind. His eyes, rooted to one spot on the floor, were glazed over, fixed for the moment on a memory that tore at him, and only continued to do so every time he thought of it. 

Why? Why was it like this?

It wasn't supposed to happen this way....

"Kenshin?"

The sound of his wife's tired voice made him look at her. Sitting up slowly, still half asleep but concerned enough to be awake, Kaoru turned to him and rubbed a hand over her eyes. "What are you doing?"

At any other moment, Kenshin would have smiled and told her everything was all right, that she needed to get back to sleep so she could teach her students the next day. No such thing came out of his mouth. He only stared, the pain inside fully evident to his bride of many years. Kaoru's brow furrowed with her confusion. "Anata? What's wrong?"

"Why did it happen like this?" he asked, his voice barely reaching a whisper. "Why didn't I tell him sooner?"

Immediately remembering the incident that occurred that afternoon, Kaoru moved out of the futon and sat next to him. "It's not your fault. You didn't know it would be like this."

Kenshin seemed to miss that she even spoke, falling once again into the memory that haunted him. "Did you see his face? Such anger, the hurt... betrayal. He was so angry." He paused. "And I'm the only one to blame."

"That's not true. We both decided we would tell him once he got back from Kyoto."

"But when would that be? Years? It was wrong for us to wait for so long. We should have known he would have found out. I'm at fault for never telling him."

"Kenshin, that's not true." she said sternly. "We both made this decision."

"That doesn't make a difference." For the first time, Kenshin turned to look at her, the pain clearly evident on his face. "He *knows* now. And I wasn't the one who told him. Would you want such a secret hidden from you for so long only to learn it from someone else? About you own father? The one thing we thought we could hide for a while longer... we were so foolish!"

His frustration was clearly vocalized, and Kaoru thought nothing of it. Over the years of their marriage, Kenshin had learned, slowly, but quickly, how to be more open in his thoughts to his wife. He would never do such a thing in public - some things never changed about her beloved ex-Rurouni - only in the privacy of their own home, when he would share with her a thought or something that struck him funny during the day. Even things that seemed harmless on the outside, but quietly hurt. 

This however, could only be described as anguish.

Why had their relationship changed so dramatically over the last few years? Kenji had always loved being around his father as a boy, even if he sometimes preferred the company of his mother. The striking physical features would always light up in the yard when she watched the two of them play games with each other, Kenji's in enthusiastic joy, Kenshin's in healing wonder at the childhood years he never knew but came to know through his son.

Was it through the genes that they boy had wanted to learn how to fight? And had he really grown up so fast that he was ready to leave in order to learn a fighting style his father would refuse to teach, unaware at Kenshin's quiet sadness?

"We should have told him." he was still saying. "Maybe he would have understood why I didn't want him to learn if we had just told him..."

Kaoru snuck her arms around his shoulders, easing his head onto hers. She held him in place for a while, her nose gently pressed against his temple, and waited for his arms to come around her waist before trying to speak. "We can't do anything about it now. Kenji knows, and we'll just have to deal with it." She took a moment to kiss his scarred cheek. "The next time he comes back from Kyoto we'll tell him the whole story."

"Much easier said than done." he sighed.

"But it *must* be done."

Kenshin's head fell back against the wall, his eyes searching the boards above as if searching for an answer. The question in his mind came out in complete agony, the silence making the burden on both their shoulders seemingly heavier.

"How do you tell your son something like that? How do you tell him that the manslayer he's heard about is yourself? How do you do it when he already knows?"

Kaoru paused before answering, searching for the right thing to day. "You tell him everything. You tell him about your training, the missions... even Tomoe. The reasons why you don't want to pass the style on. You told us the complete story. It's Kenji's turn now."

"You didn't know." he said, fighting the resolve she was trying to set. "He does. I fear my trying to tell him will only..."

"{... make him hate you more.}" she mentally finished. She lifted a hand and turned his face to hers. "The worst thing you could do is not tell him. At least you have some time before he comes back to give him the whole story."

Kenshin didn't respond, only removed her hand and let his head fall on her shoulders. Kaoru only hugged him close. "That doesn't help you very much, does it?"

"I appreciate you trying to help, Koishii." his said, his voice muffled by her yukata. "It's just a hard thing to deal with right now, that it is."

"Don't worry. I plan on helping you all through this. We're in this together now."

It was the first time that night he had smiled. She could feel it spreading on her shoulder and gently pressing into her neck. She was mentally grateful that he had calmed down enough to do so.

"You have no idea how glad I am, Kaoru. You have no idea."

Regardless of Kaoru's help, the thoughts of how to fully deal with the situation still haunted him when he fell asleep.

It wasn't supposed to be this way...

  
  
  
  


Phew! Angst-y all around! And drama! I'm really going for it here!

I know this is short. This is a prologue, after all. They're short too. I'm setting a goal of having long(er) chapters, so the next update might not be for a little bit. Until then, I hope you can understand the tone I'm trying to set for this story, and I hope it catches your attention until the next update. Until that time, I hope to read your wonderful reviews (hint, hint) and feel encouraged to do more!

See you next on the chapter!


	2. Past Memories

Disclaimers: Second verse, same as the first...

Notes: Thanks for the response. I'm sorry this took a little while to get out, but this took a little bit for me to outline. I'm sure you all understand, right? Anyway, please enjoy.

Special note: Kenji's acts in this chapter are based off the mini love of my life, Alan (age 3) who I will be spending Valentine's Day with. The kid is literally this cute. Go find out.

Reflections

by Sean Montgomery

Kaoru had always thought that Kenshin and Kenji were adorable together. Some might think that obvious, with her being the wife and mother of the two currently running from each other in the front yard. However, there was just something inside of her that couldn't help but swell with pride at seeing the two of them together. Maybe it was a motherly instinct that had been discovered while she was pregnant.

Kenshin, of course, had been utterly terrified throughout her pregnancy. The thought of being a father, someone who this child would look up to, was the most resolve shattering thing he had ever thought of. He explained this to her one evening, his hand lightly resting on the swell of her stomach that was seven months old. When she announced she was pregnant he couldn't have been anything else but overjoyed. It seemed that the bulge in her stomach brought him back from whatever place he might have been.

"I've been terrified," he had admitted. "because now I realize that this isn't a dream anymore, and this little one will not only be relying on you, but on me as well. It's a large responsibility, that it is."

Her hand covered his on her belly. "But it's one you're willing to take, right?"

He lifted himself from his place on the futon and moved his head, resting it on her stomach. The baby kicked him in the cheek, and his eye twitched. Kaoru thought then that he had never looked more handsome. "I am."

She was thrilled he had said this. Three months later, after Kenji's birth, he had become a nervous wreck again, but eventually get the hang of being a parent.

Three years later, his hakama was covered in dirt as he was toppled to the ground once again by his son, struggling to get his arms around his father's neck.

"Hang on!" Kenshin warned, moving his own arms behind his back to support Kenji. The boy laughed merrily, burying his face in his father's hair, almost as if to hide the sound. Kenshin ran around the yard, making sure to add a bounce to every step so his son would enjoy the ride even more. Kaoru stood by on the stoop, watching them with a glowing smile on her face. 

"I want down!" Kenji said suddenly, grabbing onto Kenshin's hair and sliding down the length of it to land on his feet. Kenshin cried out a bit when he did this, giving his son a mock-stern face with hands on his hips. Kenji only laughed more, reaching up his hands to his father. Kenshin, while smiling and his eyes filling with an unfathomable amount of love, crouched down and took his son in his arms. Resting his head on his father's shoulder, it was then he noticed Kaoru. "Okaa-san!" he said, pointing a finger to her.

Kenshin lifted his head and smiled at Kaoru, pleased at Kenji's ability to annunciate difficult words for children his age. "Where?" he asked playfully.

Kenji pulled back and pointed at Kaoru again. "Right there." he said, letting his arm drop.

"Where's Otou-san?"

Kenji extended his arm in his father's direction. "Right there."

"And where's Kenji?"

Kenji paused for a moment, as if considering what his answer was going to be. Suddenly, his hand went up and pointed to himself. "Right there."

Kenshin gave a delighted smile. "Very good." he said, snaking his arms around his sons tiny waist. Without warning, he pulled Kenji close and fell to the ground, his son's laughter ringing throughout the dojo. The whole thing soon resulted in another tickle fight before they chased each other around the yard again. Kaoru smiled, pleased that her husband and son were having fun with each other, and went over to the training hall.

____________________

"Otou-san, what are you doing?"

"Cooking dinner, Kenji."

"Cooking dinner?"

"Yes."

"I can help."

Kenshin grinned, chopping up more pieces of fish. "I know you can, Kenji. But this is going to be a hot meal, and I don't want you to get burned, that I don't."

"Get burned?"

"If you get too close."

"Oh." 

Kenshin's grin grew with his sons wonderful sense of logic. Simplicity was the factor behind it all, it seemed. He heard Kenji's steps retreat into another room where Kaoru waited. "Okaa-san, Otou-san says it's too hot."

Kaoru gave an amused chuckle. "Well, it is too hot in there right now, Kenji."

"Yeah." he simply answered. 

"Maybe you can help with dessert later." she said, leaning her head toward Kenshin, who looked at her with a slight smile.

"If dessert decides to be part of the meal." Kenshin said, handing his son a small slice of vegetable. 

Kenji gladly took it and placed it in his mouth. "I want dessert." he said, his words slurred by the food.

"We'll see."

____________________

"Story, Otou-san?"

Kenshin smiled at his son, kneeling by the futon and pulling the blanket over his small shoulders. "Not tonight, Kenji. It's too late."

"No." Kenji whined, his face contorting into a miniature picture of disappointment. 

Kenshin knew that face very well and decided his son was a genius to have been able to wrap his father so easily around his fingers. He sighed, feeling his resolve slip away with another glance to his son's pitiful face. 

The child had him. He knew it.

"What kind of story, Kenji?" he said, settling himself by the futon and preparing for a long evening.

"A good story." 

"Do you know any good stories?"

"I dunno." Kenji answered, his childish voice squeaking slightly.

"Well now, let me think here for a second..." Kenshin searched his mind frantically, thinking of anything that would entertain his son for the night. He had never been told stories as a child - Hiko would never do such a thing, and any stories of his past would surly do more harm than good.

Unless...

"Did you hear about the time when I was kidnaped by pirates?"

"Nu-uh!" Kenji answered, a mischievous smile growing on his face.

"It's true! They were about ready to take Okaa-san, but I let them take me instead. They held me captive for a while."

"No they didn't!" Kenji said, sitting up as if to challenge his father, the smile still in place.

"Oh, they didn't? Then maybe you can tell me what happened."

"You fell over!"

Kenshin felt his own smile grow. "I fell over?"

"Yeah!"

"I did not."

"Yes you did!"

"When did I fall over?"

"You fell over!"

"When we were playing today?"

Kenji nodded his head in the way only two year olds could.

"Only because you tackled me."

"No."

"Then what happened?"

"You fell over!" he said again, his voice hitting a bit a frustration.

"I know I fell over!" Kenshin answered, and attacked his son with tickles, trying to hold him down and let his fingers dance across little ribs. "You tackled me!"

Kenji could only continue to laugh, trying his hardest to remove his father's hands, but failing. Kaoru, watching from the door, was ready to enter when Kenji asked for a story, stopping herself when Kenshin actually accepted his son's plea. Part of her wanted to interrupt the tickling, knowing her son would be up and about if he got too wound up, but stopped herself when she saw Kenji willingly falling on his father's shoulder, obviously tired from the day anyway. When Kenshin added a soothing hand on Kenji's back and started rocking back and forth, Kenji was asleep almost right away. Setting him back on the futon, Kenshin lightly kissed his son's forehead and stepped out of the room, making eye contact with Kaoru after he closed the door.

"You're incredible." she whispered.

"Why do you say that?"

She wound her arms around his neck, holding him in a comfortable embrace. "Because I don't tell you that enough."

____________________

Kaoru wondered where all those happy moments had gone after Kenji had left. It seemed nowadays that the only time Kenji ever came to visit was to see her, wanting nothing from his father. Not even his attention.

Not even his love.

That thought terrified Kaoru to no end. Kenshin gave love where he went. It was who he was, a person who desired to show that he cared rather than letting any part of his world feel the sting of hate. When Kenji had left in his anger, in his silent rage and fury at his father, Kenshin only smiled.

"Everything will be alright, that it will." he had said. "Kenji just needs to learn a few things for himself."

His smile would fade so quickly after speaking that Kaoru often wondered if he knew he was doing it. He would look at the dojo door, eyes clouded with an unbearable sadness but an overwhelming amount of love for his son who had left them because of him. And he would wait. Wait to see his son come through those doors again only to be rejected for the length of his visit.

It was at those times that Kaoru would cry for him, feeling her husband shake with his quiet tears of pain late at night when he thought she was asleep. Often times she would turn and cuddle against his back, letting him know she was there if he needed anything.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She smiled at his concerned nature that - she prayed - would never change. "I should be asking you that."

He sighed, deeply and sadly, turning to face her. In what little light they had, she could still see the tear stains that streaked his face. "He's left because he doesn't know your reasons, not because he doesn't love you."

For the first time in a long number of years, Kaoru saw what he was truly feeling inside. His eyes held slight panic, his face full of anguish. "He should never have to know my reasons."

"A child of ours accepting things as they are? Did we ever? You know we always needed explanations. We were so persistent to find out why *you* were the one that needed to take care of Shishio, remember?"

"You needed a good explanation for it. Even when I left, you still decided to follow, wondering why I had to do it alone."

"Kenji doesn't understand why and he won't accept that. He's very independent. He just went ahead and learned Hiten Mitsurugi without knowing why you couldn't pass it down."

"He doesn't need to know. Not right now." he paused, trying to put his reason to words. "I don't want him to know who I was."

"He'll find out." she said quietly, knowingly voicing his fears.

"When he does, I'll be the one to tell him."

Kaoru lifted a hand and brushed away the remaining tear streaks on his face. "Are you sure?"

Kenshin breathed deeply. "I'm sure." 

She took his face firmly between her hands, making him look at her. "Promise yourself. If you don't, you'll never do it."

Kenshin smiled, happy that she knew him so well. "I promise."

____________________

And at four pages, this is officially the length of "One Of Those Days". I will get a longer chapter out sometime, I swear. Maybe when I can stop feeling guilty about taking so long to write this thing and trying to pull it all out at once... until then, however...

Please be patient with me. I personally kinda dislike it when writers say that because I know that it can take a long time for them to update again, but Spring Break is next week. I might be able to work on it then, but I really don't know. I'm sorry if I can't get anything out very soon. Please understand that I hate doing this, but school is being school and will be school until May. It shouldn't take me THAT long to produce another chapter. Anyway, thank you for reading and looking through my little fic.

See you all next chapter!


	3. Revealing the Truth

Disclaimers: Third verse, same as the first...

Notes: This will be a little difficult. I broke a major blood vessel in my left middle finger, so it's very hard to type. Nonetheless, I shall try hard to get this out. Thank you for your wonderful responses to the first chapter. I'm honored you guys took time to read this.

Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

When Kenji was five Kenshin decided that he needed a good job. There was nothing much being offered, he realized, but he also knew that the family could not live on what little money the dojo gained. They were fine as they were - with just the three of them it didn't take too much to get food - but Kenshin knew that, as the man of the house, he should be making money for them as well.

"But Kenshin, what could you do? There aren't many open positions out there, if any at all." Kaoru said after he asked her opinion.

"That's why I believe I should spend a day looking for a job, that I do. There has to be something around here I can do. Maybe working in a booth, or a restaurant."

"Do you think Tae would let you work at the Akabeko? Surely there could be some need for work there."

"It doesn't get much business, but I'll check anyway. Maybe I'll head into town tomorrow."

The conversation ended there once Kenji burst into the room covered with mud and Kaoru all but carried him to the bath. Kenshin, worrying about the condition of his son's clothes, decided he would go into town tomorrow to look. If Kenji ripped any more of his clothes, he would have to wear his nice clothes and... Kenshin didn't even want to begin thinking about that. He started cutting fish to distract himself.

____________________

Somehow, Urama found Kenshin before Kenshin found Urama.

The former assassin's hunt had been fruitless the entire day. Kenshin had searched the entire town, offering to help in any way needed for his family (who he secretly hoped would grow bigger in the next couple of years). Venders and owners and workers had all turned him down, saying that they were pleased with the wonderful charm of the red-headed man, but had no position to offer. In his return trip home, after mustering enough hope to try again tomorrow, Urama showed up out of nowhere, saying he needed to talk to Kenshin about a possible job.

"Something that might interest you, I think. If you're willing, anyway."

"I'm most willing, that I am." Kenshin had said, delighted to see the man again after so long. The two men agreed to go to the police office that very instant and decide on what Urama would propose. 

Kenshin left the police station happy, but curious why he felt like he had just made a wrong decision.

____________________

Kenshin never knew that Kenji would catch on so quickly with things. The big blow came when Kenji finally understood the enormity of Kenshin's job months after he had started it.

"You're leaving us?"

He asked it so suddenly that the entire commotion at the dinner table stopped. Kenshin, mouth full of broth, looked surprised at Kenji's perceptive question, glancing at Kaoru a moment before answering. "Not permanently, Kenji. I'll be leaving town early, but I'll always come back."

"But you'll be gone. You're leaving us."

"I'm not leaving you, Kenji. I'm going to a in Japan to help people. I will leave for a little bit, but I'll come back."

It took a moment for Kenji to place exactly what Kenshin meant. His brow was furrowed in concentration for a bit while deep in thought. "Do you always help people?"

"That's right. He won't be gone for very long. Just a few days at the most. It's just like a few weeks ago." Kaoru said. Kenshin nodded in agreement.

"Why are you going to help people again? Can't you do something here?"

Kenshin's face darkened for a moment, remembering that his son wouldn't know the full reason until he was older. "I'm going to help people because that's what I know how to do."

"You can do other things too. You don't have to leave."

"I don't *want* to leave, Kenji. It's just--"

"Yes you do." he said suddenly. "You wouldn't have taken the job if you didn't."

Kenshin recoiled at the sudden outburst of emotion. "That's not true Kenji. I--"

His son didn't even wait for him to explain. He jumped from his spot and left the kitchen, a thundercloud of rampant emotions. Kenshin gave a deep sigh after he left. 

"I don't understand why he would get up and leave like that. With no respect for you!" Kaoru's brows furrowed at the thought.

"He's only five. He doesn't understand all of this yet."

"That doesn't matter. He could have been more respectful."

A deep paused followed. Kenshin felt a guilty pain begin to take over. "Should I go talk to him?"

"I'll go." Kaoru stood and moved to the door. "Maybe he'll understand it better..."

Kaoru stopped at the shoji, her hand covering her mouth as soon as the words left. She turned and looked at Kenshin. "Kenshin, I..."

"He'll understand it better if *you* explain it to him?" he whispered, his gaze falling to the table before him.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know you didn't." he answered, refusing to meet her gaze. A few moments, seemingly an eternity in a matter of seconds, passed. "You should check on him, that you should."

Kaoru hesitantly walked out of the room, her footsteps echoing in Kenshin's mind. Of course Kenji would understand Kaoru better. She was with him more often now, with him leaving as often as he did. But it was his job. He did what he was told. He just never expected it to be so often...

He fought back a tear with everything inside of him. Closing his eyes made it fall into the fabric of his gi. What had he done?

____________________

Kaoru found Kenji sitting in the middle of his room, huddled in a ball and attempting to hide his tears. Motherly instinct kicking in, she moved next to him and placed him in her lap, smiling when he tried to wipe his tears away. "It's not bad to miss him, you know."

"Why does he have to leave again, Okaa-san? Can't he stay home?"

"It's his job, Kenji. He does it so we can keep living here. So we can eat. You don't want us to not have anything to eat, do you?"

Kenji shook his head, sniffling all the while. "We don't play anymore, Okaa-san. He comes home and sleeps. And then he leaves again."

"That's not all he does. Your Otou-san works around here, too. He's a very busy man, if you really think about it. But he does it for us."

"I don't want him to work. I want him to stay here with us." His voice broke in the end, signaling more tears. Kaoru held him closer. "It's okay to be sad, Kenji. I miss him too."

"I'm not sad." Kenji said, looking at her with fire in his eyes. "I'm mad."

"You're mad?"

"Because he leaves all the time. And it makes you sad. He doesn't need to. There's no point for him to!"

Kenji burst into tears again, but this time she thought differently. His fingers clutched her kimono in anger, the tears falling from his eyes like drops of fire on her neck. Sad hearts she could sooth. This...

This was the anger of her son. Relentless and unforgiving for reasons he didn't know. Directed at his father, her husband, who, unknown to them, was standing outside of the door and who heard his son's outburst. His heart broke at the memory. He walked away quietly from his son's room and occupied himself, rolling the futon down for himself and Kaoru. As he prepared for bed, he wondered how he was going to face Kenji in the morning and what on earth he would say.

He wouldn't have to say anything. Early that morning, Kaoru was the only person who said goodbye to him. Kenji downright refused to leave his room.

____________________

In eleven years, things hadn't changed much. Kenshin still helped the people of Japan, still hiding the reason from his son. Kenji was still angry with him, so much so that when Kenshin refused to teach him the fighting craft he had perfected he instead sought out his father's former master. His homecomings were rare, mostly when Kenshin was gone (which seemed uncanny to Kaoru that he would show up that same day), but when his father was there, he would have nothing to do with him.

One day, that all changed.

Kenji had decided to come home one afternoon, taking the only two inhabitants of the Kamiya-Himura dojo by complete surprise. Kaoru met him first just after he walked through the gate. She would have ran to him, flinging her arms around him like she always did, but one glance at him made her stop. The look on his face wasn't even close to anger. The boy seemed enraged.

"Where is he?" he growled, not awaiting her answer and marching straight past her. Kaoru was rooted to the spot for a moment before answering. "He's making dinner. Kenji, what--"

The hope that he really wanted to see Kenshin died when she saw him dart for the kitchen. As fast as she could, she followed him through the dojo until he came to the kitchen seeking out the man he was seemingly ready to harm. Kenshin was cutting bits of fish when he entered. Kenji finally let everything out.

"*You're* the Hitokiri Battousai?!" he screamed, throwing his arms at the man before him. Kenshin didn't even jump, as if he wasn't surprised that Kenji was there. "*You're* the manslayer of the Revolution?!"

Kenshin looked at his son, complete shock and panic written in them. Kenji didn't wait for him to say anything. "Why didn't you tell me? What possessed you to keep this from me?"

Kenshin set the knife on the cutting board, silently praying for his nerves to be calmed. "Who told you that?" he asked calmly.

"You answer me first. Are you really the Battousai?"

Kenshin took a deep breath. Kaoru felt the atmosphere grow thick with Kenji's rage and Kenshin's sorrow. "Yes." he whispered.

Kenji seemed mortified. "You lied to me. You've lied to me this entire time."

"I haven't lied to you."

"Yes you have. You've been pretending you where nothing more but a simple dojo master's husband. Keeping this sheet in place over who you really are, *hiding* it from me! You've been lying to me this *entire* time!"

"It's not as simple as that, Kenji. There's so much more you don't know."

"I know enough. Enough to know that you aren't the man my mother thinks you are."

Kenshin blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You've made her think that you're some kind of charming man, a hard worker, someone who cares for those who he's close to. I know who you really are. You're the feared assassin who killed in the shadows! You murdered nearly a hundred men in less than six months!"

Kenshin's eyes widened. Only one other man knew that... "Who told you this?"

Kenji breathed deeply, trying to control his rampant emotions. "Master Hiko told me."

____________________

Kenji left soon after, saying he needed to get back to Kyoto, how he couldn't stand to be under the roof of a liar. In his wake, the dojo was quite, as if there weren't two people occupying the location. The dinner was left uncooked and uneaten. The evening wore on, an incredible weight suddenly placed on two person's shoulders. Kenshin was quiet for the entire evening until Kaoru could stand it no longer. 

"It isn't your fault." she whispered to him, watching the candlelight dance across his features. He seemed unfazed, as if she had never spoken to him. Even while she tried not to, she eventually fell asleep. Kenshin remained awake the rest of the night, trying ti figure out what he would do about his son's anger that had turned into pure rage.

"{It wasn't supposed to happen this way...}"

______________________________

The truth comes out. Could anyone imagine what this would be like? Poor Kenshin...

Now that I think about it, the start of this chapter kind of sounded like Akai Kitsune's fic 'Diary of a Manslayer'. That was totally unintentional. Five years of age just works for some people, I guess. 

(Reviewer Responses - because I can't email some of you)

TOKI1 - I like Kenji too. Could you imagine what kind of a spitfire this kid would be with Kenshin and Kaoru's genes? Scary stuff I tell you. In any case, I hope I'm doing him justice for you.

MS. ZEAL - Hopefully, this chapter answers your questions. In the early stages of developing this story, I almost forgot to add why he was angry. *sweatdrop*

CHIBI YUUSHI - Honestly, your review almost made me cry (not an easy feat). Thank you so much for sympathizing with my situation. You were so heartfelt and honest... I'm glad you took time to review. I won't place Seisouhen ANYWHERE in this story. WAY to depressing if you ask me...

MAEVE RIANNON - I'm glad you felt that way. That's exactly what I wanted to capture. I couldn't imagine Kenji hating his father from the get-go, so I'm sure there where some personal moments in there somewhere. Can you imagine what Watsuki could have done with that? Oh, boy... *laughs*

TANUKIGIRL22 - A faithful one! *laughs* Thanks for the encouragement. Kenji isn't seen very much as far as the manga goes, and his personality was hardly touched in the OAV. Hopefully, if Watsuki were reading this, he would agree with how I'm portraying his characters. *gulp*

MISAOSHIRU - Thanks! Here's a hint: take any little kid you know, and you can put Kenji in there somewhere. My muse for him (Allan) has done about everything you've read about in chapter two, including pulling my hair. He's very strong willed too, so that makes him more like a real life Kenji in my eyes. 

BABOWONSUNI - Thanks! It's good to see some new faces. Great encouragement for me. I hope you continue to like it.

SAIYAN BRAT878 - Thank you for checking this out. I don't know how soon I can get out chapters, but I'll try.

LIZZIE - Potential! Whoo-hoo! I love hearing that word! Thank you very much!

See you on the next chapter!


	4. I'm Not Going Alone

Disclaimers: Fourth verse, same as the first...

Notes: I'm sorry this took a while. One of my favorite worship leaders said, 'Creative people are depressed'. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. I've been sitting on my butt staring at this story thinking about what a piece of crap it was, and how the style of writing is no where as good as my other stories (namely 'Healer'), and how I couldn't believe that you people are still reading it... but then that's where it hit me that you guys are reading it because you really enjoy it, and that encouraged me to continue. Don't worry; I won't abandon this fic. I just have to get over the remarks from my most demanding critic - myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your encouraging and helpful words.

Okay, enough of that... :)

Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

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Everything was chaos after that night.

Kaoru was the one who noticed it first, or at least gave credit to herself for seeing it. Everything about Kenshin seemed to fade away, from his unmade dinners to neglecting his chores. There were some evenings where he would merely sit on the porch for hours and brood. It was one evening when she found him this way that she decided to take the matter into her own hands.

"Kenshin?" she asked quietly, more than certain that he knew she was there. "Come inside. It's getting late."

"{It's getting late?}" she mentally screamed. "{He know's that, baka! He isn't four years old!}"

His lack of response nearly made her hit him with the cloth she carried. Instead she opted for placing her hand gently on the locks of his red hair. He never moved.

"What are you thinking about?" she questioned quietly, moving to sit next to him.

For the first time he turned to look at her. Sadness and struggle she expected to see, but resolution and quiet peace took her by surprise. His arm moved over her shoulders, pulling her closer to his warmth in the cool evening. "I've been thinking this through very carefully, that I have. I've come to the conclusion that if you can't explain one thing, fate will find some way to do it for you."

"You've spent four evenings outside and you've just now come to that conclusion?" He nodded his head. "Kenshin no baka."

The affectionate term brought a small smile to his face. Kenshin took a deep breath and looked at the night sky. "He knows now."

"Yes, he knows."

A pause. "Master Hiko told him. Master Hiko... of all people, he was the last I had expected to tell Kenji about my past."

"You said it yourself, didn't you? 'If you can't explain one thing, fate will find some way to do it for you.'"

"Fate has an odd sense of humor, then."

Kaoru leaned her head on his shoulder. "Of course it does. Do things ever happen the way we want them to? Did you propose to me the way you wanted to?"

"I did, actually." Kenshin slightly smiled at her change of face, trying to come up with another example quickly. "I understand what you're saying, though. We never told him, and he found out in a way that we didn't want him to."

Kaoru lifted her head from his shoulder and glanced at him, noticing the worry engraved in his eyes and the pain that refused to leave. The years of having a family had been well to him, but they also left wounds that would stay. She regarded him for another moment. "How have you been doing? With everything that's gone on, I mean."

He turned and looked at her. "It took me a while to... clarify everything. My son knows who I am. It's my fault I didn't tell him."

"Kenshin..." Kaoru said, slight warning in her voice.

"It is." he argued. "We have to accept that. We both have to deal with the idea that everything is going to be different than how we wanted it to be."

"And Hiko?" Kaoru asked quietly.

"Hiko..." Kenshin answered, speaking the word softly as if to see how it would come out of his mouth. "I need to speak with Master Hiko."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Very sure. He has a lot of explaining to do."

The anger that suddenly appeared worried her for a moment until she realized that she felt the exact same way. She cupped his face in her hands. "You know, you're taking this much better than I ever thought you would have."

"How did you expect me to handle it?"

"Brooding. Walking around the house as silent as the grave. Neglecting your chores, which you've done."

His moved his head so that it rested against hers. "I realized that there was nothing I could do about the situation, but I needed to solve it in some way. I'm going to Kyoto tomorrow to talk with Master Hiko and maybe bring Kenji back to explain everything to him the way we should have." He turned and looked into her eyes. "And I'm not going alone."

Kaoru whole-heartedly agreed with him after he said this, but the sudden humor and confidence in his eyes made her wonder what he was thinking. He told her later that he would love to have her around, that he bond between them would help him when finally talking to Kenji, but, for the time being, it would only distract Kenji and possibly make him more angry. She tried to argue her case, but Kenshin wouldn't have any word of it - his mind was made up, and someone was going with him.

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Which is why he decided to chose Yahiko.

"What do you mean you need me to go with you?" Myojin Yahiko exclaimed one evening later, setting his cup back on the table after nearly spitting its contents onto the person before him. "You can handle something like this on your own!"

"The truth is, I can't. There will be no way that I'll be able to talk with Kenji while I'm with Master Hiko, and I'm sure that if I try, he won't listen to me. I need someone to speak with him, someone who he trusts and who he won't be afraid of talking to."

"So why don't you take Kaoru with you?"

Kenshin locked eyes with Yahiko. "Because she is going to be busy, and she doesn't need to worry any more about this than I do."

Yahiko analyzed Kenshin's face for a moment. "You're really putting all the blame on yourself, aren't you?"

Kenshin paused. "No matter what Kaoru-chan says, it is my fault that he doesn't know."

Yahiko clutched the cup in his hand, growling a moment before slamming it on the table, startling other customers in the restaurant. "That's the biggest load of crap I ever heard! It wasn't your fault! Kenji would have found out one way or another! What if you had died somehow and he had found out? Would you blame yourself in heaven?!"

Kenshin opened his mouth to say something. Yahiko beat him to it. "Of course you would! But hopefully you'd be too dead to realize that he found out!" The young man's figure slumped. "You've got to stop doing this to yourself Kenshin."

Another pause. "The only way this is going to be resolved is if I can convince Master Hiko to let me have Kenji for a few days so I can explain everything to him."

"The man better let you have him if I have something to say about it." Yahiko muttered into his upraised cup, taking another long drink.

"But while I'm talking to Master Hiko, someone needs to talk with Kenji." Kenshin glanced at Yahiko, noting the boy was oddly fascinated with the swirling contents of his cup while he played with it.

"Pep talk?" Yahiko asked.

"No. Just helping him understand what's going on."

The Tokyo Samurai suddenly drained the cup of its beverage and slammed it on the table, standing and grabbing a coat at the same time. "You've got it then. Just tell me when and where and we'll be set for Kyoto. Just don't make it tonight. You and I need sleep, and you need to tell Kaoru everything. No sneaking off without her knowing, got it?"

Kenshin smiled, admiration for the boy glowing in his violet eyes. "Got it."

"I mean it, Kenshin. As a married man, you need to tell her these things!"

Kenshin's smile turned into a grin, filled with the humor at the thought of Yahiko giving him marital counseling when the boy was trying to sustain his relationship with Tsubame. "How have your relationships been going these days, Yahiko?"

Yahiko stared a moment before pointing a finger at the former manslayer. "That's not funny."

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Kaoru was already settled in the futon by the time Kenshin got back. At the sound of the shoji sliding open and shut, she reach to light a candle and turned to face him. He obviously didn't know she was awake.

"Did I wake you?"

"No. I was waiting up for you. How did it go?"

He removed his yukata from out of the shadows. "He accepted. He didn't understand at first..."

"Of course." she quietly interrupted, slightly rolling her eyes at her former student.

"...but after I told him my reasons, he began to see why I needed him. He also demanded that I talk about this with you first before making any arrangements. One of my duties as a married man."

Kaoru raised a skeptical eyebrow. "This coming from a boy who is trying to save his relationship with Tsubame?"

"That's exactly what I thought, that it was." Yukata tied into place, he settled beside her and allowed his torso to fall into the futon, unaware that he nearly fell on Kaoru's arm. "Kami-sama, what am I doing?"

Kaoru's eyes turned to sympathy at his sudden deceleration of his feelings. Frustration was bursting from the seams. "You're trying to help him. That's all."

He gave a small, sad grin. "Isn't that what we said when he decided we weren't going to tell him?"

She gave an irritated sigh. Gently, yet firmly, she took his face in her hands and made him look at her. The direct change of attitude in her face was so surprising he couldn't help but mutter his trademark. "Oro?"

"If you're going to let this sadness overwhelm you all the time there will be no point for encouragement. So, if all else fails, remember this - you may think you're the biggest failure for a father and the walking scum of the earth, but I could not be more proud of you than I am, because in my eyes, you're being the best father you can be."

With that, she released his face and turned to her side, fully intent on going to sleep, and praying with all her might that he would listen to her. Though, somewhere inside her, she knew he would.

And he did. She couldn't hold back the smile that formed when he gently put his arms around her, whispering assuredly in her ear two simple words that were heartfelt and held the most honest sincerity he could possess.

"Thank you."

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More romance. And more drama! And I'm fully aware that these are short chapters - maybe this means I'm one of those authors that write things that are 50 chapters long with two pages to a chapter or something. Hopefully, if I ever get an original idea published, the story will be more beefy (for lack of a better word) so the book isn't waif thin. Anyway...

Reviewer Responses:

KYRENE - You're right. I could only answer one of those questions. :) You gave me the idea of putting Yahiko in the story, actually. The more I thought about it, the more I realized he could be a good character to be in here. It all came together perfectly. Thank you! Your other questions will be answered in later chapters (as expected). :)

MAEVE RIANNON - Yeah, I know he was a brat. That's so hard for me to imagine, though, which is really odd for me because I can usually catch what people are trying to say, but that one...that one was tough. Oh, well...

KOBE-MAC - Why, thank you! I'm very happy to hear you have enjoyed it! I hope the story continues to meet your expectations.

LYNN10 - A hot glue gun? Um... ow. That sounds a bit more painful, but then again, my finger has been healed for a while so I've kinda forgotten the pain... I'm glad you where able to feel the pain of Kenji being innocent one chapter then angry the next. That's exactly what I was going for. Do you have a local video store around? I was shocked to find one in my hometown that sells anime. Hope you can find one. Those OAV's are pretty tasty. :)

MISAOSHIRU - Makes more sense, eh? That's quite a complement! I beat an OAV! Yes! :)

TANUKIGIRL22 - You finally saw it, huh? I can't watch it now without crying, being the sentimental sap that I am. I do mean to get around to your stories soon - I'm sorry I haven't yet. In fact, after I post this, I'll check them out.

MS. ZEAL - You know, I really like you. You're very 'to the point'. Good trait. Your first question will be answered next chapter, and the second will show up later.

UNDERASTORMCLOUD - Oh, my...falling over... air!! :) Thanks for comin' around! I hope you continue to enjoy!

CHIBI YUUSHI - Dude, you've broken six fingers? And you're fifteen?! Man... your reviews make you sound mature! That's a good thing. It's good to know you can understand from personal experiences (not that the personal experience in itself is good, but the understanding of it... oh, nevermind). That helps make everything more real, I think. Personally, this has never happened to me, so that's a very big encouragement! Thank you!

See you all on the next chapter!


	5. A Visit To Misao?

Disclaimers: Fifth verse, same as the first...

Notes: I'm so sorry this took so long. I really had no intention of doing so, but then inspiration stuck its head out on me, and I decided to add more characters to the plot to help flesh it out a little more (as you can tell from the chapter title). I hate abandoning stories in the middle of working on them, so no worries; I love this story too much to quit on it, it's just that I was caught up in stuff (Senior pictures this week, which delayed my expected time of getting this up here) and didn't have time. I still appreciate your reviews and comments ('update soon' made me feel guilty, actually) and I thank you for taking time out of your day to read. Now, I will delay you no longer. Thank you very much for your long and patient wait. I'm very grateful.

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Reflections 

by Sean Montgomery

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Kaoru opened the doors the next morning to find Yahiko standing before her waiting for Kenshin. 

"Hello, Yahiko. It's been a while." Kaoru said, grinning at the young man she hadn't seen in what seemed like months.

"Hello yourself, busu." He answered, grinning fondly at his former teacher. "You're looking well."

"Am I?" she said with a sad smile.

"Considering the circumstances. I mean, beyond the fact that Kenji blew up at Kenshin a little while ago and now we have to set things right with Hiko, you look good."

Kaoru's smile grew. "Do you think everything will be resolved?"

"Of course it will. Kenshin knows what he's doing. He'll bring Kenji back to his senses somehow."

_Dear Yahiko_. _Ever the optimist_. "I'm glad you think so." She leaned closer to him. "Be sure to encourage Kenshin a little. To be honest, he isn't the most confident person right now."

"He should be. I'll bring Kenji out of whatever he's in so Kenshin can have his own words with him."

"It might not be that easy, Yahiko. You should have seen Kenji when he came in last week. He was ready to hurt someone, it seemed."

Yahiko shrugged, crossing his arms. "Then he should learn to let his emotions calm down so he can shut up and listen. After all, doesn't he understand that what you were doing was for the best?"

"We hoped he would never have to know."

"Your kid? Not knowing something? I'm sorry, but with parents like you, do you honestly think he would settle for something like that?"

Kaoru chuckled. "I guess you're right."

"What's Yahiko right about?"

They both turned to the dojo. Kenshin, with a small bag slung over his back, was walking toward them with a curious smile on his face. Hiding behind his expression, however, where small bags under his eyes. He obviously didn't get a lot of sleep.

"That Kenji would find out everything sooner or later." Kaoru said, turning to him.

Kenshin set the bag on the ground, turning over to her. "I'll be out in a second, Yahiko."

"Okay." Yahiko answered. He continued to watch the two of them until Kenshin held her close. "Right." he said quickly, turning on his heel and walking a little distance down the road.

Kaoru had resolved the previous night that she wasn't going to cry when Kenshin left - after all, she had his guarantee that he would return unlike a similar time years ago. She only held him back as he held her, breathing in a scent she wouldn't know for a few days.

"I'll be back soon." he said quietly, attempting to calm any fears she might have.

"I know." she said firmly. "Bring him back with you. I don't care if it takes you a month to convince him to come home. Bring Kenji back. We're settling this when you do."

"Once and for all." He said. There was a certain air in his voice that made her pull back and look at him. He seemed confident, yet weary, hopeful tied with a noose of doubt. The smile he gave her amplified her thoughts. She wanted to say something to assure him yet nothing came to mind. He had enough encouragement - all he needed to do was take the first steps.

"Once and for all." she repeated. She leaned forward and kissed him, then bent over and handed him his bag. He took it quietly, never breaking eye contact with her until he turned. She followed him, waving goodbye to Yahiko when he waved to her. It was only until the two figures advanced further down the road that she closed the door and stared at the empty dojo.

What to do now? She smiled at her thoughts. There were numerous things she could do: her own chores, including Kenshin's, for one thing. Taking a deep breath to prepare herself for the days ahead, she marched into the dojo, making a beeline for the laundry.

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"You know, you two still make a good looking couple. It just took you forever to get it through your skull to propose." Yahiko said, waiting for Kenshin to join him on the path away from the dojo. "You should have realized that she wouldn't have cared about your past."

"It was more than that, Yahiko." Kenshin said quietly, turning to look up at the young man. When had he grown taller than him?

"Yeah, stained hands and all that what-not. Kaoru explained it to me once before you guys got married. She also said that you felt you would mark her somehow, or something like that."

"She didn't need people from my past showing up at the dojo."

"Who's shown up since Enishi? Show me the punk and I'll show him my bokken." Yahiko waited for Kenshin's answer, smiling happily when the older man didn't respond. "Exactly. But I do understand your reasoning; wait to see how long it takes before someone shows up to make some kind of move."

"I didn't wait _that_ long, that I didn't."

"Really? I remember thinking something should have happened after you fought Shishio."

"Something _did_ happen after I fought Shishio. Enishi showed up."

"So then when did you get to it?"

Kenshin turned to Yahiko again, a small smile forming on his face. "A week or so after I was brought back to the dojo. You where still around, but no serious decisions had been made yet. You became more oblivious to it once you moved into Sano's old house."

"I was not completely oblivious!"

Kenshin raised a doubtful eyebrow. Yahiko fought for words. "Okay, so maybe I was surprised when Kaoru told me you two where getting married, but I knew that something was happening!"

Kenshin's face formed a grin. "All right, Yahiko."

"Really! I knew something was happening!"

The two walked in silence for a moment. It was only early morning, but the heat was already beginning to make an impact on their journey. While Kenshin was able to walk as though nothing fazed him, Yahiko began to look a little tired by the time they reached the Tokyo Station, using his sleeve to collect the beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Are you going to be all right?" Kenshin asked, genuine concern mistaken for sarcasm.

"I'll be fine. I just haven't traveled for a while." Yahiko turned his head to the direction of the oncoming train. "I hope you don't mind that we're taking a train. They're faster than walking, but if you'd prefer that..." He let the sentence hang.

"I don't mind, that I don't. Anything that will get us to Kyoto is fine by me."

Using the last of his money to get tickets for them to Kyoto wasn't the most desirable thing for Yahiko do to. Especially since he made the decision the evening before, the only notice he got that Kenshin wanted him to join him to bring back Kenji. As he handed in the ticket and the two of them made their way to their seats, he saw a young girl with a scarlet ribbon in her hair. He gave a slightly irritated sigh. He was going to get Tsubame a ribbon, one close to that color. He had only noticed it the other day, thinking that it would be perfect to use as an apology for his lack of attention to their relationship. He only realized it would have to wait after he paid for the tickets and the only thing he had left were a few coins.

"Yahiko?" Kenshin asked, sitting in a seat across from where the man in question was standing. "Is something wrong?"

Yahiko forced back a growl. "No, nothing's wrong."

Kenshin smiled at the boy, knowing full well something was on his mind but deciding not to push him for answers. "If you say so."

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"I don't get it," Yahiko said hours later, standing in the market of Kyoto with Kenshin by his side, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked at the building towering before them. "We came all this way to get Kenji and to convince him to come back with us so you can talk to him about your past, and you wanna see Misao?"

Kenshin grinned at the Aoiya, seemingly unfazed by the bright afternoon sun. "I have some things I needed to ask Miss Misao about, that I do."

"About what?"

"For one thing, I know that it would please Misao greatly to get out of the house. I was curious to see if she would like to stay with Kaoru while we're gone."

Yahiko's head turned to Kenshin. "The tanuki and the weasel together, _alone_? Kenshin, are you sure that's a good idea?"

It seemed for a moment that the former manslayer hadn't thought about the consequences of those actions. An eyebrow twitched for a moment while a small sweat drop formed at his temple. "What's the worst that could happen, Yahiko?"

Both eyebrows raised on Yahiko's head. Could it be that Kenshin gave this no thought at _all_? "Are you sure you want to ask me that?"

"Himura! It _is_ you!"

The heads of the ex-hitokiri and the Tokyo Samurai turned to the entrance of the Aoiya. Energetic as always, Misao Makimachi ran towards the two of them with a grin that would split the sun. "Aoshi didn't believe me when I said I saw you two coming down the path! Wait 'til I tell him I was right!"

"Aoshi didn't believe you? That's not quite like him, that it isn't." Kenshin said, a smile forming on his face at the sight of the Oniwabanshuu leader.

Misao stopped before them, momentarily rubbing her neck while her cheeks slightly colored. "Well, he didn't actually say that he didn't believe it was you, but when I told him, he just looked at me like he always does. I've had to try and guess what his expressions mean."

"And you thought he didn't believe you? Doesn't Aoshi know how to sense chi?"

"Well, sorta... anyway, he'll be happy to know you're here! Come on in! I'm sure you guys are tired and hungry! We'll get you fed in no time!"

Misao bounded away from the two of them, opening the doors of the Aoiya wider and beckoning them in with a waving arm.

"You're sure you want to ask her to stay with Kaoru?"

Kenshin gave Yahiko a nervous smile. "I'm beginning to wonder, that I am. Do you think the dojo will still be there when we get back?"

Yahiko stared ahead, smiling at Misao while muttering under his breath, "I think you'd be lucky if the foundation were still there..."

"I'm sure you both must be tired after all that walking. I know I would be! Remember when I was following you around Kyoto all those years ago, Himura? Man, I was _sore_! But I learned how to hide it so you guys wouldn't know. I think I would have been in bed for days if I wasn't after Aoshi..."

"Does she ever shut up?" Yahiko muttered under his breath, slowing his pace behind Misao so she wouldn't hear. "How does Aoshi deal with her?"

"I'm sure that's why Aoshi meditates, that it is." Kenshin answered, a small smile making its way across his face.

"I heard that!" Misao bellowed from in front of them. "I'll have you know that I missed you guys! I haven't seen you in, what, eight years? We need to catch up! There's so many things you guys don't know about yet! Tonight, we're going to have fun and drown our stories in jugs of sake!" Misao opened the door ahead of them, unaware of the glances Yahiko and Kenshin shared. "Maybe we'll add some tea for Aoshi. Hey, guys! Look who's here!"

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It wasn't until later that evening, after mounds of stories and light sake, that Misao realized that Kaoru had not followed Kenshin and Yahiko to Kyoto.

"I thought she was going to come later or something." she said once she asked the former manslayer about his wife. "I didn't think you would leave her alone here. Is she pregnant again?"

Yahiko slightly snickered at the small blush that covered Kenshin's face. "Not quite, Miss Misao."

"Not quite? What's _that_ supposed to mean? Still trying or something?"

Yahiko audibly snorted. Kenshin was the color of his hair. _Obviously, Miss Misao has had enough sake for the evening, that she has_. "We came here for Kenji."

"For Kenji? Is something wrong?"

Kenshin took a deep breath. "We have some things we need to speak to him about."

"There's conflict in your family, isn't there?" Aoshi said, his small but booming voice full of wisdom beyond his years.

"You can tell?"

"You've been quite most of the evening. While you are not one to be loud like your friend Yahiko-"

"Hey!"

"-I can see that there has been something weighing on your mind. You are no longer burdened with the responsibility of a swordsman. It had to be something personal."

Kenshin grinned at Aoshi. "Your meditation has taught you how to be observant, Aoshi."

The corners of a mouth slightly quirked, the only indication Aoshi could give that he was smiling. "It's the first thing you learn."

"Kenji has been upset at Kenshin for not teaching him Hiten Mitsurugi." Yahiko explained, brown eyes moving back and forth between Aoshi and Misao. "It was just that for a while, but then a few days ago he burst into the dojo demanding to know why Kenshin hadn't told him that he was the Hitokiri Battousai."

"You haven't told him yet, Himura?" Misao asked, setting her cup down in shock.

Kenshin was silent, setting his chin on his chest.

"So now Kenshin wants to go and ask Hiko why he told Kenji the one thing he wanted to keep from him."

"Why did Hiko tell him?"

"That's what we're trying to find out." Kenshin said quietly, raising his head but keeping his eyes on his sake cup. "Kaoru stayed behind because I didn't want her to be a distraction for Kenji. Yet, she's all alone at the dojo with no one to keep her company or to help with chores. This is why we needed to see you before we saw Hiko."

Misao squared her shoulders and set her gaze on Kenshin. "What can I do to help?"

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind spending a few days with her, just so she doesn't have to do everything by herself. The last thing I want her to feel is left alone."

Misao's eyebrows lifted in confusion. "Why would she feel alone?"

"Before I can to Tokyo, she had been living in the dojo by herself with the pain of knowing the last of her family was dead. After she told me that, I swore to myself to never leave her alone again." His gaze lifted, violet eyes meeting sea green. "Misao, would you stay with her until we get things figured out here?"

Misao's gaze softened when she saw the burden Kenshin was making himself carry. She gave him a small smile. "I'll leave in the morning."

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"You could never hold your sake." Aoshi said quietly, looking at Misao long after Kenshin and Yahiko had went to bed.

"I can so." she retorted, holding her pounding head in her hands. "I just didn't realize how many cups I had. Could you stop the room from spinning, please?"

"You should have been more aware of what you were doing. What would Okina have said if he saw you?"

Misao's heart lurched for a moment at the thought of her dead grandfather. "He would have laughed." she muttered, attempting to stand but stumbling over.

Aoshi stood and calmly held his hand out to steady her, then put his hand on her shoulder to lead her to her room. He was quiet until they reached the stairs, his concentration bent on her wobbly form. "I think you misjudge him."

"Are you kidding me?" she said, tripping on one of the stairs and hitting her arm on the railing. "Ow. You don't think the old man would be laughing at my condition? Aoshi, he'd be in tears!"

"He would be proud of your decision."

Misao paused and looked at him, suddenly locked into his blue eyes. "Really?"

"He would." he answered quietly. "Especially considering that you're going to have a headache in the morning when you see Kaoru."

"Oh, don't remind me!" she groaned, finishing the remainder of the stairs and walking to her room. "That's what he'd be laughing at!"

Aoshi's stone gaze never wavered, but Misao knew he had to be thinking of the old man doing just that. When he didn't say anything for a while, she knew he agreed with her, even if he wouldn't vocalize it.

"It doesn't matter." she finally said. "He's gone and it's my decision. I'll be gone before you wake up."

She never made it inside her room. A large hand, full of power and calluses, covered hers on the door. Misao stared in wonder at his face, suddenly so close she could feel his breath from his nose.

"He would be proud of your decision, Misao." he said again, his eyes boring into hers.

For the moment, the woozy haze disappeared, strange considering she felt more woozy because he was so close. Her haze faded when she considered his words, the closest thing she might get to a loving word from him, and she smiled at him. "Thank you, Aoshi."

Aoshi, stoic nature ever-present, nodded and turned on his heels to his room. "Good luck to you on your journey."

It wasn't much considering that most girls dreamed of romantic phrases and daring heroics, but at that moment, Misao Makimachi considered herself one of the luckiest women on the face of the earth.

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Honestly, I can't write Aoshi/Misao scenes. The blasted man is fun to make fun of, but to write him is another thing completely. It was fun to take on the challenge, though. Anyone else agree?

Hey, look! This chapter was... five pages! I'm getting better at this!

Review Responses (five months in the making...)

Ms. Zeal - _I'm glad you like how things are turning out. I can't answer any of your questions, either. That would be giving too much away. : D_

Kobe-Mac - _Hey, I actually supported the Eagles in the playoffs. 4__th and 26__th, right? It was unfortunate that the Panthers had to play them - with the way both of my teams are doing so far, I wouldn't be surprised to see the Eagles in the Super Bowl this year. We'll wait and see._

Misaoshiru - _I don't think short chapters are a bad thing - only if they are bad chapters. Maybe that's why these take me so long; I'm worried that they're going to stink or something..._

Kyrene - _A fight, huh? I'm not too sure. Don't you think with the anger already inside of him they would want to keep him as calm as possible? The kid's a spitfire, man!_

Lynn10 - _Like I said in my notes, I'm sorry this took so long. Hiko will show up on the next chapter (I think; it depends on where my muse is going to take me, I guess...)_

Tanukigirl22 - _Well, now, it would depend on how old you are. I openly admitted on my bio page that I'm seventeen, so that would make you... fourteen? Fifteen? Not that I'm dying to find out or anything. But where did I say 'young people'?_

The simple mind - _Thanks for reviewing! I was surprised to see your review, actually. I hadn't gotten one in a while and poof! It made my day. Thanks for checking this out! _

Animeinsomniac - _Don't worry - no intentions of dropping this story. And I do still read my reviews - everyday, basically. They inspire me. Thank you for checking this out!_

See you on the next chapter!


	6. It's Been A Long Time

Disclaimers: Sixth verse, same as the first...

Notes: So... for those of you who didn't read my update notes in the bio section... my computer deleted what I had of chapter six and refused to let me get my story back, so this came out later than expected. For that I am profoundly sorry. I'm trying to make a goal of getting at least one to two chapters out a month (I know... making a ton of progress on that, huh?). It's going to be slow in progress, mainly due to I just got my first job and won't have _quite_ as much time to write. Once again, I won't abandon this story. It just might take a while. Thanks for your awesome reviews - I never, in my wildest dreams, expected to get 40!

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Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

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His hair was slightly matted to his face, and he could just begin to feel the heat from the soon to be warm day. The covers were sticking to his body with the combined heat and sweat. He threw them off with a grunt, digging his face further into his pillow with an irritated sigh. The day wasn't going to get any cooler, which meant his will to work would be nearly gone. He felt more than heard the footsteps from behind.

"Are you really so lazy?"

He resisted the urge to groan. "It's gonna be hot."

"If you think you will not have as much work to do today, you greatly misjudge me." There was a thud by his head. "Get me some water. And clean up while you're at it."

"Am I able to do it later?"

The figure gave a grunt. "Baka deshi."

With his face still in the pillow, Kenji rolled his eyes, knowing the matter would be resolved in Hiko's favor, but hating the name Hiko chose for him. He sluggishly sat himself up and looked at the bucket.

"Hurry up."

Kenji turned in time to see Hiko leave the doorway of the small hut. He looked back at the bucket. He sighed the deep sigh of the restless and stood, rolling his futon and changing into a gi and hakama. Letting the bucket hang loosely from one hand, he pulled away the blanket from the doorway and shielded his eyes from the blaring sun. How late was it?

"You've been asleep most of the morning. Once you get cleaned up we'll begin." Hiko said, keeping his gaze on the small fire before him. Kenji moodily adjusted his gi and made his way toward the forest, listening for the sound of the small brook.

Each master had different tools and styles for training their students. While others had resorted to force and intimidation, others, like his mother, had used practice. Constant practice. So much so that the student began to wonder what they were doing learning a style that seemed so... useless. But that was where ignorance came in. After all, _'the only thing worth doing was worth doing with all your heart,' _his mother had told him. She was shocked people only understood this _after_ they had learned everything from her. Patience and practice were her tools.

Hiko was a different person altogether. While he was strong in his words and his training, Kenji found some things just flat-out odd about the man. Did he really need so much sake before each training session? And if so, why didn't he offer any to his lone student?

_It must be something personal,_ he thought with a small sigh, pushing away some branches to reveal the small brook before him. He let the bucket, held loosely in his fingers, fill with water and dunked it over his head. _Why else would the man insist of something so strong so early in the morning?_

He wondered how his father ever did it.

His movements slowed. The small droplets of water glistened from his bangs, his hair draped across his face. A slight breeze cooled him off, but his mind was full of fury.

_"... you mean you don't even _know

How was he supposed to? His father lived a very mild-mannered life. He never heard rumors or anything from townspeople. Father was always on those journeys of his while Kenji collected his own memories of anger and loneliness, rage at the neglected attention from his father. It was always about his _father's_ past.

_"...you baka deshi..."_

Maybe he was an idiot for not noticing the signs first. After all, who wouldn't notice that the manslayer of legend had the very same features his father had?

_"...the Hitokiri Battousai..."_

_"...is your own father!"_

Kenji stared at the empty bucket in his hands. It took everything inside for him not to heave it with all his might at the nearest tree.

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The heat wasn't as unbearable after walking in it for a while. Kyoto seemed to be used to it by this time and was unaffected, vendors and people walking around the city as if the day were cool. Yahiko paused on the steps leading into the mountains. "It's weird to think that we're coming back up here, huh?"

Kenshin stopped a few steps above him and looked back at Yahiko. "It's been a long time, that it has. I never expected I would be back here. At least, not under the present circumstances."

"Remind me why we're doing this again?"

"To get Kenji to come back to Tokyo with us."

"So you can explain everything to him, right?"

Kenshin gave a deep sigh and turned to continue walking up the steps. "That's the plan, that it is."

"And the reason you took me instead of Kaoru is...?"

_Yahiko takes more after Sano than he realizes, that he does. _"Kenji loves his mother. Very much. So much that any convincing on her part would only lead to him coming home for the wrong reasons, such as because she told him to, not because he needs to listen. He needs to come home because... he needs to understand why I am the way I am, why he wouldn't learn the Hiten Mitsurugi from me. Kaoru would aid me, yes, but a man to man talk with you is something he needs more."

Yahiko paused for a moment, watching his friend make his way up the worn steps. The last time he had been in Kyoto, Yahiko was joined by Kaoru in order to see Kenshin again, to make sure he was safe. When he had left Kyoto, Misao had become part of their lives, and Kenshin no longer suffered from his injuries. He couldn't deny the weight that seemed to be lifted off his friend's shoulders. He seemed livelier, yet wiser after his fight with Shishio and his recovery from his wounds. But now, watching him years later climb a simple flight of stairs, Yahiko noticed that the former manslayer seemed hunched over, as if he carried a great weight with him. Old age had nothing to do with it, he was sure. The man was taking this whole burden, his sons anger, the pain of his past, on himself.

The man in question stopped when he noticed Yahiko was not with him. Kenshin turned and looked at his young friend, a questioning stare in his eyes. "Yahiko? Are you okay?"

With a small smile, Yahiko made his way up the steps and took the bag Kenshin carried from him when he reached the levelthe older manwas on. The violet gaze still held curiosity. "Oro?"

The Tokyo Samurai said nothing, only progressed up the stairs. Kenshin followed soon after, his steps only slightly lighter. _Kenshin no baka,_ Yahiko thought, turning to look at Kenshin. _You can't put everything on yourself. Sometimes, you've got to let others help you out. You should know that by now. _

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Chores were a pain.

Not because she suddenly had so many. It was because she never realized how much time Kenshin spent at the basin to clean a simple stain on a kimono. With a huff of breath to get a strand of hair out of her face, Kaoru lifted the wet fabric out of the water, sighing when she saw the rebellious stain was still there. She would have lifted a hand to her face, but her hands were wet, her fingers resembling a very red fruit. She dunked the kimono back into the basin and continued to scrub, determined to make it look as though she could handle her husbands chores.

_I wonder how he's doing?_ She thought absently, her eyes glazing, her mind wandering. It had been around two days (_but it's felt like two weeks_) since he left, determined to bring Kenji with him so that they could discuss... everything, she guessed. Kenshin's past, his brutal, bloody years as a manslayer, the Revolution, Tomoe, and his wandering after the final battle. Maybe even a little bit of their struggles together, the moonlit battle with Jinei, the duel to the death with Shishio, and the chaotic mind of his brother in law, Enishi. Hopefully he would even listen in the first place. Maybe by then he wouldn't scream accusations to his father, but understand why he had done what he had done.

_"I know enough. Enough to know that you aren't the man my mother thinks you are."_

Why hadn't she said something then? Kenji's words were so harsh, so disrespectful, so... angry. He hadn't realized that she knew everything about Kenshin that she could. Fifteen plus years of marriage had a lot of stories behind it. He had told her everything about himself while his son wouldn't get a story until he was older. _I'm sure he wanted him to be older than fifteen. Knowing the man, he would have waited until Kenji was forty._ But Kenji was considered a man now, and like the stain that wouldn't come out, the fabric wearing thin, Kenji's patience would only get smaller and...

The fabric wearing thin?!

Snapping out of her thoughts, Kaoru lifted the fabric and moaned. The rebellious stain had now turned into a rebellious hole. Defeated, she set the kimono back into the basin and growled. Couldn't she do anything right? Cooking, yes, but that was because Kenshin had taught her while they were courting. Laundry must have been his special talent or something.

She let the sleeves of her workout gi loose, ready to dunk herself into the tub. Why was it so hot all of a sudden?

A knock on the door snapped her out of her thoughts. Wiping her hands on a rag, she hurried over to the door and adjusted her hair before opening it. "Misao?!"

"Happy to see you too." Misao grumbled, not getting the greeting she had expected.

"No! I mean, yes - of course! Misao, it's great to see you!" Kaoru pulled back and gestured to the dojo. "Would you like to come in?"

"Thanks!" Misao answered, her perkiness flooding through. Dropping her things as soon as she was in the dojo, she bear-hugged Kaoru. "It's been a long time, my friend."

"Too long. What brings you to Tokyo? Oniwabanshuu business?"

Misao's eyes dropped to the ground. "Unfortunately, no. Kenshin sent me."

Her world faded away with those words. Kenshin sent her? Was he...? "Misao, has something happened?"

"No! Oh, no! Goodness, I'm sorry! He made it to Kyoto just fine! Him and Yahiko are perfectly fine. He just sent me because he didn't want you to be alone."

"He said that?"

"Those were his words."

Warmth flooded her heart. The first night he had left she couldn't sleep, the old memories of the ache and pain of loneliness eating at her. It had been that way for a few nights until last when she finally got a few hours. She remembered when he had married her he had said that he would never leave her alone again. Even if it wasn't him, his promise rang true with Misao.

"Thanks for coming, then. I really appreciate it." Kaoru smiled and took Misao's things, guiding her into the dojo. "By the way, do you know how to do laundry?"

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"Nothing changes here, does it?" Yahiko asked, gesturing to the place where Hiko's hut stood before them. The same fire burned in the same fireplace, the same log sitting before it. Hiko was no where to be found.

"Not that I've seen. I wonder if they're out training already."

"This early? I hope not."

Kenshin gave Yahiko an odd look. "You don't know my Master..."

"Neither does your son. He above all else should know that tardiness isn't tolerated with me."

Through the blanket covering the door, the massive frame of Seijurou Hiko stepped into the sunlight. He made his way over to the log and sat before the fire, a jug of sake next to his feet. "You knew that well, didn't you Kenshin?"

"I did, Master." Kenshin said,walking towardsthe log. "Surely Kenji has an idea of it. Why would he be tardy? Shouldn't he be here, or does he sleep in the city?"

"Of course not. I sent the boy to get me some water for sake. He must still be bathing."

Suddenly, out of the thickness of the bushes and the deep forest, footfalls made their way to Kenshin's trained ears. It only took him a moment to realize it was Kenji making his way back from the river. His palms began to sweat, nervousness taking over. He took a deep breath and released it when Kenji emerged through the line of trees.

"Sorry I'm late, Master," he was saying. "The trees were thick around the river, and..."

He stopped when he saw Kenshin and Yahiko staring at him. He grinned. "Hello, Yahiko." His face darkened when he turned to Kenshin. "What are you doing here?"

"There will be respect in your tone the next time you speak, baka deshi." Hiko said, standing to face the travelers and his student. "In all honesty, I was wondering the same thing."

Kenshin turned to Hiko, his eyes suddenly unreadable. "I have a few things I need to discuss with you, that I do."

Hiko took a drink of his sake. "Of what nature?"

"About my son and the story you told him of which you had no right to."

Hiko never paused. "About your past? Is that what this is all about?"

"If it's all right with you, I'd like to speak with you while Yahiko and Kenji go somewhere."

Hiko turned to Kenji, noting the full bucket of water, and sighed. He walked over to the boy and snatched the bucket from his hands. "Don't expect me to be merciful to you tomorrow. You will get extra practice."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Kenji complained, opening his arms.

"Of course not. Go to the city with that boy over there-"

"Hey!"

"-and do what you wish."

Kenshin smiled at Yahiko, pulling the young man closer. "Take him out to eat somewhere. Remember to just talk with him."

"How many people are still considering me a boy around here?"

"You aren't a boy to me, Yahiko. Doing this for me is one of the most grown-up things I've ever seen you do."

Yahiko smiled. "Beyond live in Sano's old place and pay his tabs, right?"

"Especially that."

Yahiko nodded and turned to Kenji, holding out an arm and guiding the boy to the steps back to the city. Kenji never acknowledged Kenshin as they passed. It took everything inside Kenshin to ignore his son's anger and to focus on the matter at hand.

"So, baka deshi, what is it you need to discuss?"

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So, how did I do tackling Hiko's character? I think I did okay.... I went over his character again in the anime and tried to stay true to his personality. What do you think?

Reviewer Responses (brownie points to all of you!):

Misaoshiru - _Yay! You have no idea how freaked out I was about that. But where did I use 'were' instead of 'where'? I couldn't find it..._

Animeinsomniac - _Thanks. I need that moral support sometimes... well, most of the time, but it sure helps when I get it! Thanks for that!_

Lexi-chan - _Thank you! I hope this met your expectations!_

Samuraiduck27 - _Well, you'll have to find that out in a few chapters. :) I love your name, by the way._

Rurouni Kaoru Kenshin's Love - _Thanks!_

The SeVeReD-HaNd - _You'll find out soon. Thanks for reading!_

Ms.Zeal - _I didn't really include the reverse-blade because I didn't think it would fit right in the story. Yahiko has it, just not here. Thanks for reading!_

Cardinal - _I've thought a lot about your review, actually. The reason I put an unstable relationship between Yahiko and Tsubame was for comedic purposes, but then I thought I needed to flesh it out a little more. Maybe it didn't work like I thought it should have..._

Lynn10 - _Doesn't the plot always thicken? I think I'm getting inspired to write a A/M story, actually!.... maybe not...._

Kobe-Mac - _That's true. It kinda destroys the greatness if they can't make it to the Super Bowl. Sorry about T.O., man. That's gotta hurt, but I wouldn't be surprised to see them make it. We will just have to see. Maybe the Panthers will play them again... :)_

Bokken of Doom - _Bokken! My friend! Aoshi is just so darn... quiet! It was hard to determine what he would say and what he wouldn't. Misao was too much fun, I think._

Tanukigirl22 - _Only shorter, eh? Well, we all have our specialties, I guess... Aoshi's voice changes throughout the anime. Don't worry about remembering it. I can't think of it now, actually..._

Nekotsuki - _Good to see you! I'm glad you think this is going somewhere. Since I consider you one of the finest on this site, that's a huge compliment! Hope you are getting inspired for 'Tanabata'. I'm hooked, man!_

Unicornfan - _No, I'm not a guy, but I do know of a few male authors who have written romance (besides Watsuki). Thanks for checking this out!_

Have a Happy and safe New Year's, everybody! See you on the next chapter!


	7. A Visit With Master Hiko

Disclaimers: Seventh verse, same as the first...

Notes:So I meant to get this out in June, but my computer crashed and I was supposed to get it backthe forth. I got it back a week ago. Grr...The only thing I have to say nowis... I got a beta! All complaints go straight to tarnishedgold! Just kidding. :)

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Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

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The sun shone brightly on the waterfall, highlighting every streak that rushed to the river below. It looked cool in the heat of the day, the sun bearing down on the two figures who sat on the small ridge. It was irritating, the thought that Hiko refused to say anything until Kenshin started the conversation, but then again, it was the one thing the former manslayer knew to expect. The silence drifted on, maddeningly loud despite the rush of water behind them. Kenshin looked over the rim of his sake cup and stared at Hiko, who seemed content to sit and allow time to pass by. Any feelings of irritation were pushed down and replaced with respect. Kenshin cleared his throat.

"Master, I-"

"You really are an idiot."

Kenshin could feel the sweatdrop form on his head. Hiko wasn't going to give any ground, was he? "That's not fair, that it isn't."

"Then define to me what 'fair' is."

"Allowing me a moment to speak would be fair."

"Does that require my listening?"

Kenshin blinked. "Of course..."

"Then why haven't you given Kenji that privilege?"

"To listen?"

Hiko opened his eyes and stared at his pupil over his sake cup. "Baka deshi."

Kenshin sighed, his head drooping. "I believe it would be smart to just tell me what you're saying, that it would."

"That's too easy." Hiko set his cup next to the jug sitting by his feet, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "My saying it wouldn't require any thought on your part. You must understand your own situation before I can help you at all."

The irritation quickly returned. "I would like to know why you told Kenji the things you did."

"About how to fight? Simple. He told me that you refused to teach him and he asked me instead. I said yes."

"I know that, Master. Although, what I really would like to know is why you told him about my past."

The atmosphere noticeably thickened. Hiko took another drink and shook his head, meeting Kenshin's gaze. "So that's why you're here." Eyes closed, he paused, obviously plotting something in his head. "I should have known. What do you need to know?"

"I came to understand your reasoning for telling my son-"

"I know that, baka. I want to know why you're here with me instead of with your son telling him the things you so obviously desire to tell him."

Kenshin sighed. "You aren't going to make this easy on me, are you?"

"Things in life aren't easy, Kenshin. At your age, you should know that by now." Hiko took another drink, smacking his lips. "How's your wife?"

"Kaoru? She's fine. What does that have to do with-"

"Are you expecting another child anytime?"

Another sweatdrop formed on Kenshin's head. _Why do people keep asking me that?_ "No, Master. Not anytime soon, anyway."

"Good. That means I only need to deal with one of your children. After all, if the others end up like Kenji, you might as well move to Kyoto. You all are going to need counseling at one point or another."

"That's a little uncalled for, that it is."

"It's true, isn't it? The way you tiptoe around people and what they want to know hasn't changed at all. I have proof in your son."

Kenshin stared at his sake cup, running his fingers along the edges. "I was hoping to tell Kenji later on in his life. I would have told him eventually."

"When? On your deathbed? He's a man now, Kenshin. He deserves to know."

"And he will know. I've come to settle things now."

"But only because someone got to him first." Hiko shook his head. "Your pride disgusts me."

"Pride? The desire to protect my son from what I was - you call that _pride_?"

"Selfish pride. You're so caught up in who you are and your past that you refuse to give him the one thing that he wants. Kaoru knows, doesn't she? About who you where? Your relationship with Tomoe?"

Kenshin's brow burrowed. "Of course she knows."

"Why?"

"Because when Enishi attacked they-"

"Not _they_, Kenshin. Why does _Kaoru_ know?"

Kenshin paused, his reasoning coming back to him, confusion setting in where confidence once was. "I was already planning to court her then. It was difficult to tell her, but she needed to know the full extent of who I was."

"Because?"

Kenshin closed his eyes. "Because I already loved her."

"Don't you understand, baka deshi? Kenji is in exactly the same position. While growing up, a boy needs to understand who he is following. If the father is the example, then he will follow, but if the father is distant the boy will refuse to make amends until it's too late."

"Are you saying Kenji should have been afraid of me when he was a boy?"

"Did you give him any indication of who you were?"

Memories flashed into his mind, each one as delightful, and painful, as the last. Kenji as a young boy, asking for one more story, for one more game before bed. Kenji as a young man, bursting into the dojo, demanding to know where his father was and ready to put accusations where they belonged. The boy who asked if desert was a part of dinner was the boy who had grown into a bitter man.

His laughing voice. _"I want dessert."_

The rage in his eyes. _"You're a liar! You've lied to me this entire time!"_

Laughter._ "You fell over!"_

Anger. _"You're not the man my mother thinks you are!"_

"_Story, Otou-san?"_

"_You're a liar!"_

Kenshin could feel the thread of patience breaking. His hands lightly gripped the sake cup. "I didn't want him to know."

"And because of that he is angry and bitter. Because of that choice he refuses to listen to you, but all he talks about is his mother."

"I'm ashamed of who I am, Master!" Kenshin shouted, trying to keep respect in his voice but failing miserably. The sake cup shattered under his grip. "I'm ashamed that I'm a manslayer, that I've murdered hundreds of men, that I killed innocent people, including my first love! Why would _anyone_ wish to have that story told?"

Hiko only stared back for a moment. He bent over and poured more sake into his cup. "Now you finally understand a portion of your son's anger, Kenshin. Now you finally understand how Kenji feels. Your impatience with me is equivalent to Kenji's anger. Your selfishness is the one thing that failed you."

Kenshin's final hope of self-confidence failed him. "How can that desire be wrong?"

"Aren't you wondering why I haven't told you why I told Kenji everything? You're getting a taste of your own medicine. You hide your past by avoiding questions, speaking in somber tones, hoping that will make them forget. Your pride stiffens your spine, and you refuse to tell others something that will help them aid you. Your choice to not tell Kenji was my permission to answer any question he had. It isn't my fault that he knows - that blame rests with you."

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Sunset in Tokyo was one of Kaoru's favorite times. Really, it had been since she was a little girl. She would sit on the awning, leaning her back against one of the pillars, and watch the edge of the sun sneak its way under the dojo roof, enjoying the colors that streaked across the sky. It made her feel like the sight was for her eyes only, some kind of secret the world wanted to share with her. The crickets would begin their melody as the sky turned black, then, her favorite addition, the fireflies would spread across the yard, blinking every so often, making it a game of sorts to find them. After their marriage, Kenshin often sat with her and enjoyed the evening. Kenji enjoyed it just as much as a boy.

Sitting now in the light of the fading sun, Kaoru began to ache. It was the strangest feeling deep inside her heart, something out-of-place in the usually peaceful evening. She looked into the sky and found a single star blinking in the distance right in the direction of Kyoto.

_Kenshin..._

Idly, she began to wonder if something had happened to him. She knew Yahiko could take care of both of them if needed, and Hiko could provide some shelter when they needed it. Misao coming to room with her eased her heart a little bit. Kenshin had made it to Kyoto, and everything was fine.

Then why was she so worried? Did she miss Kenshin's company that badly?

_Or is it something more? Is something happening with Kenshin? Is he hurt somehow?_

The question was more emotional than physical. She knew that at his age more techniques with the sword would wear his body down, but he wasn't injured. She was better able to sense his emotional hurt now that they had been married for so long, but how could she know from so far away? _Why_...?

Misao showed up moments later, wrapping a towel around herself, saying that the bath was free and Kaoru could use it.

"You need to use it, too!" she had said. "Let the warm water melt that fear out of your head! Nothing's wrong with Himura. Don't you think we would have heard something by now if something was?"

Misao had a point, but the fear remained. Even dunking her head under water, a long-time thought motivator of hers, didn't seem to make sense of it. Her head thumped against the back of the wall.

_Kenji will come back with him. Maybe that's all I'm worried about. Hopefully Hiko isn't giving Kenshin a hard time. We've had enough hard times as it is. I'm just being silly. They're all fine and will be home soon._

Out the window she could see the single star again. The steam from her bath distorted it a bit, just like her thoughts were at the moment.

She sighed. "Kenshin..."

_I hope everything is all right._

* * *

"Beef pots? Again?"

Yahiko made a face at Kenji. "Listen, you said that we could eat anywhere. You said you didn't mind when I chose the Shuribeko, so you can't complain."

"Yeah, but... you always have beef pots. Even when we go to the Akabeko you have beef pots."

"You aren't being picky, are you?"

Kenji stared at the steaming bowl of meat before him. "Considering that all I eat with Master Hiko is fish, I guess I shouldn't be."

"That's what I thought."

The two sat in silence. The atmosphere around the restaurant was the exact opposite of their small booth. Chopsticks loudly met plates and bowls while slurping could be heard almost as much as laughter. Yahiko couldn't think what kind of event or festival could be happening at that time. Kyoto didn't seem much different from the last time he was there.

"Is something going on in the city?" he asked, stuffing a piece of meat into his mouth.

"Nothing that I heard of. Then again, I never know much of what's going on. I'm stuck on that mountain with Master Hiko most of the time."

Yahiko scooped more of the stew into his bowl. "You do realize you should listen to your father, right?"

Kenji's face darkened. "Not if I don't have to."

"What if he came to explain himself?"

"Explain himself? What's that supposed to mean?"

"For why he didn't tell you everything about who he was."

"That's some serious explaining."

"But would you listen?"

Kenji set down his bowl and stared at the bubbling broth. "Only if he promised to tell me everything."

Yahiko put another piece of meat into his mouth. "Good."

"Why? Do you know something?"

"Only that Kenshin's wish is to take you back to Tokyo so that he can re-tell you everything you know about his past. You need to listen to him, Kenji. He truly wants to set everything straight."

"He didn't seem so adamant years ago."

"Oh come on, Kenji," Yahiko set down his bowl and gestured with his chopsticks. "Kenshin was going to tell you everything eventually. You've got to understand something about your dad; he does everything with his whole heart. I'm sure he had good intentions behind not telling you for so long."

* * *

"It gave you permission? My pride gave you _permission_?"

"Do you think yourself some kind of demon, the way you refuse to tell others about your past? Like you'll stain them in some way if they know? Their souls will be tainted? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! The only way you'll be the demon you fear you are is if you keep sneaking around people just like you have in the past. No wonder the townsfolk called you the demon of the night - no one knew who you were, so no one could suspect you at all. You have the gentlest demeanor, a quiet soul, and yet you had a fury that was unmatched. Did you think that would spread somehow? You've spread it unknowingly!"

With every word Kenshin's mind cleared, and where anger once flooded, regret took its place. Hiko was right. Because he wouldn't answer Kenji's questions, because he avoided his son's curiosity, Kenji in turn grew frustrated and bitter, hating his father because he wouldn't talk to him. Not just about his past, but about other things. Because...

Because...

"I was never home."

Hiko's hard gaze never wavered when Kenshin spoke, his former pupil's voice strained and near breaking. "I took that job at the police station and traveled all over Japan." Kenshin exhaled, the weight of it hitting him. "I used that as my excuse."

"How?"

"I was too tired... too occupied." Kenshin's bent head went further, nearly touching his chest. "What have I done?"

"You understand now, don't you? How your selfishness was your excuse behind everything, and the only thing that could make you realize it was by someone telling your son what you never told him. Baka deshi!"

Kenshin looked at Hiko, suddenly the young boy begging for his master's help. His eyes were flooded in desperation. "How do I change this?"

Hiko stared momentarily at the broken sake cup before Kenshin's feet. He took a deep breath. "I'm going to give you three days to spend with Kenji. He'll return with you to Tokyo and you can do whatever you want with him. But if he comes back and tells me that you haven't spoken to him, I'll refuse to teach him the Hiten Mitsurugi style, which will only make him angrier at you. You can either tell him everything and mend things, however much Kenji allows them to be, or you can continue to live with his anger, knowing you had the chance to change things but refused."

Kenshin took a deep breath. Knowing how much he loved to keep a strict schedule, three days was very generous of Hiko. He stood from the stump and bowed. "I thank you for your wisdom, Master, and I apologize for my anger towards you earlier. I hope that I can take into consideration all that you've said."

Hiko only stared at Kenshin when he stood and bowed. As Kenshin passed by him, he reached out and grabbed his gi, obviously startling his pupil. "Tell him everything, Kenshin. I would recommend starting from the beginning and ending right here. Don't leave out any details. He'll know if you left them out."

Kenshin grinned slightly, knowing those words were as close as he'd get to an encouraging word from his master. "Thank you, Master."

He moved to leave, but Hiko was still holding on to his sleeve. "While you're up," he said, grabbing his sake jar and putting it in Kenshin's hand. "get me some more water from the river. I'm out of sake."

* * *

"Would you keep something like that from Tsubame?"

Yahiko gave an irritated sigh. "This is a little bit bigger than something I would say to Tsubame."

"It sounds like you said something that ticked her off."

Yahiko became noticeably uncomfortable. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "She found me taking some extra money from my savings so Kenshin and I could take the train here."

"That's not the first time, right?"

"The problem this time is that this was the last of my money. I was hoping to get her something to say I was sorry, but I can't now."

Kenji scoffed. "You're such an idiot."

Yahiko flushed. "Hey, this just proves that people aren't perfect, okay? Even though I admire him greatly, I know that your dad isn't perfect, which is why he's trying to fix everything now before 'now' becomes 'not an option'."

"What if I don't care?"

Yahiko stared back at his young friend, his mouth slightly open and his eyes filling with disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that. Are you really so bitter that you can't forgive him?"

Kenji's upper lip began to twitch, but with anger or sorrow Yahiko couldn't tell. "You let it happen to you sometime. Imagine if Okaa-san refused to teach you Kamiya Kasshin because it was too late in the day or she was too tired. Wouldn't you have ran away?"

"I might have." _Kenshin would have stopped me before I got anywhere._ "But that's not how she is."

"But it's exactly how my father acted! He never talked to me! He was always gone, Yahiko!"

"That was in the past! Think about what he's trying to do now, Kenji! He's trying to change everything that he did! Isn't that worth a try? Isn't that worth listening to him?"

Kenji paused, considering his answer. "Only if he tells me everything. I don't want to hear the rumors - I want to know the whole story from his mouth."

Yahiko lifted a cup to his mouth, holding above his lip. "Something tells me that's what you're going to get."

* * *

So... I'm sure that all of you are wondering why the heck this took so long for me to get out. Well, there's a number of reasons, the major one being that I'm an author who cares about characters, so much that I pressure myself to get them perfect if they're adapted. See, Hiko was one character I had hoped to never write, but then I had to do so for this story. So I spent hours thinking about this chapter and how it would go, looking through my RK DVD's to find out things about Hiko's character, and basically telling myself that the story wouldn't be right if Hiko wasn't right. After all, Hiko is a funny guy, but he's also complex. Really, it wasn't until last month that I said, 'Aw, heck with it.' and wrote something, thinking back to how Hiko spoke in riddles and confused poor Kenshin until he got through his pupil's thick head. Thus, after a six month delay, I finally wrote seven pages worth of a chapter. Honestly, I think I am my harshest critic, but I thank you for your reviews and your patience with me as I thought through all of this. I never _ever_ imagined that I would get more than twenty reviews for this story (actually, I fainted after forty!). I'm blown away by your generosity and time spent on little 'ol me. :)

See you on the next chapter! (it won't take seven months... God willing...)


	8. The Journey Home

Disclaimers: Eighth verse, same as the first... (this should be my trademark or something)

Notes: Okay, so I can understand some of you might be a little upset that it took me so stinkin' long to get the last chapter out. I completely understand, apologize once again, and ask for a wee bit of mercy. After all, this is one of the most demanding projects I think I've ever written - taking an emotional roller coaster ride that I've never been on before. It's fun if not a little depressing. But enough of that...

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Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

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_His eyes snapped open._

_He listened for a moment, allowing his suddenly alert senses to calm before figuring out what had woke him up. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at Kaoru and felt peace at her sleeping form, happy he didn't startle her awake with his sudden movement. He sat up, careful to not move the sheets too much lest he wake her, and listened._

_Whimpers. Not far away._

_He pulled the sheets away from his body, ignoring the biting cold that crawled across his skin, and pulled on a discarded robe, tying it loosely on his frame before quietly opening the shoji – with another glance at his wife to make sure she was still asleep – and moving into the cold night air._

_Something that amazed him at Kenji's birth was how his fatherly instinct took over so quickly. It was uncanny, the moments when Kenji would come into the dojo searching for his mother with a large cut on his leg when Kenshin had felt something was wrong moments before. When Kenji threw up suddenly one evening – on the verge of one of the worst fevers he'd had – Kenshin was awake moments before footfalls made their way quickly past his room. Something inside of him was alert when Kenji was in danger, or hurt, or something of the sort. It was an interesting sensation that, while at times seemingly inconvenient, made him feel that his abilities could be used for something positive. He could tend to his son in a way that perhaps even Kaoru wouldn't understand._

_He was happy when he reached the door to his sons room, blinking at the cold wind that blew across his face. It would snow in the morning, if it wasn't already. _

_"Kenji? Are you all right?"_

_He opened the shoji, noting absently the light snowfall already falling from the sky. He closed the door quickly, hoping that Kenji was still under his warm sheets to not feel the affects of the cold. When he turned, Kenji was indeed under the sheets, but his body was trembling._

_"Kenji?"_

_Red hair popped out from under the thin blanket. Kenji's eyes, rimmed with tears and red from crying, widened. "Otou-san?" Suddenly, the boy sprinted out of bed towards his father, burying his face in the warm fabric. Kenshin was caught off guard enough to mutter a quiet 'Oro?' before questioning his son, running his fingers through tangled hair._

_"You were gone, 'tou-san. You and 'kaa-san weren't here. I looked all over for you and you weren't here!"_

_Kenshin held his trembling son closer. "It was just a nightmare, Kenji, a bad dream. I'm right here, see? I'm holding you, aren't I?"_

_"Okaa-san? Is Okaa-san here?"_

_Kenshin lifted his son into his arms, making his way back towards the futon. "She's here too. We're both here, Kenji, and nothing is going to happen to us."_

_"But you were gone." He protested, then whimpered when Kenshin tried to release him on his waiting futon. "Don't go, 'tou-san!"_

_"I'm not going anywhere, Kenji." Kenshin said quietly. Then, to prove his point, he lay down next to his son, allowing him to cuddle closer to his form. He mentally sent an apology to Kaoru for not being there when she awakened in the morning. "I'm right here."_

_"You won't leave, 'Tou-san?"_

_Kenshin smiled, breathing in his son's scent and allowing warmth to fill his heart. He rubbed a hand down Kenji's trembling back, steadily calming him. "Never, Kenji."_

_"I'll never leave you."_

_

* * *

_  
"Kenshin? Kenshin, we're here."

Violet eyes, heavy with sleep, popped open when the hand on his shoulder shook him. It took him a moment to remember his surroundings; on a train heading for Tokyo, Yahiko and Kenji standing and waiting for him. When had he fallen asleep?

"Are you awake?"

Kenshin grinned at the young boy, running a hand through his hair to get loose strands out of his eyes. "I'm awake. Have we arrived?"

Yahiko pointed out the window, moving aside so a young couple could get through the cramped space. "Tokyo station. Home is only a few minutes away now."

Kenshin stood and looked out the window, squinting his eyes at the blinding sun, doing his best to see over the roofs of houses. It was silly to think that he could see the dojo from the station – it was early afternoon and a briskly set pace could get them to the dojo by the evening – but he indulged anyway, imagining Misao sitting under the awning talking animatedly while Kaoru rested her chin on her knees, paying attention but not totally. The thought brought a small smile on his face, even while he followed Yahiko out of the train where Kenji waited for them.

Home wasn't too far away.

* * *

Yahiko and Kenji had returned from their trip to Kyoto in the early evening, not surprised in the least when they found Kenshin and Hiko sitting in the hut near the warmth of the fire. It was too hard to determine whether or not Kenshin got his answer, but Yahiko figured he would know when the time came. After all, the way Kenshin was sitting, head bowed low and bangs covering his face, said a lot about what had happened. Obviously, Hiko had hit the nail on the head, and Kenshin was still reeling from the discovery. He had asked Kenshin on the train what exactly Hiko had said to him. Kenshin had eyed Kenji warily, wondering if his son really was asleep from the hypnotic sway of the train, and leaned closer to Yahiko, saying that he had said all the right things to inspire him enough to tell Kenji the whole truth. 

Not exactly the answer Yahiko was looking for, but an acceptable one nonetheless. It was Kenshin, after all.

On the road home back home, thankful that the heat had died down and the sun was setting, the Tokyo Samurai noticed the way that Kenshin would look at his son. The former manslayer had an excellent way of hiding what he was thinking, but Yahiko liked to think that he knew Kenhin enough to understand – at least to some degree – what was going on in that mind of his. It bothered him enough to pull Kenshin away from Kenji for a moment, letting the younger boy lead them on, while he whispered to one of his greatest friends, demanding to know what was going on.

"Going on? What do you mean?"

Yahiko nearly rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Kenshin. You've been looking at Kenji strangely since we got out of the station. What's going on in that brain of yours?"

Kenshin looked at Kenji's back, his expression sinking a little.

"There! What are you thinking right now?"

Kenshin was silent for another moment before answering. "I'm thinking about how we got into this mess, Kenji and I. How our relationship has cracked for so many years, and how I never did anything to stop it."

"You aren't thinking it's your fault, are you?"

"It _is_ my fault, Yahiko. I let it go as far as it did and – oro?"

Yahiko stepped away from Kenshin, continuing his walk down the path before Kenji got too far. "It's not always your fault, you know. Did you stop to think that maybe Kenji could have prevented this too?"

"He could have, but it wasn't his place to. In reality, I started this," he paused again. "and I intend to end it."

They both continued on their way for a while, catching up with Kenji after a few moments. The sun began to set, but the clouds above them obscured the sight above that must have been beautiful. The wind began to pick up, rustling the trees and scattering the dirt on the path before them. Glancing at the sky, Kenshin noticed how dark it had suddenly become. "It will rain soon." He observed.

"It isn't always your fault." Yahiko said again, looking at Kenshin's disbelieving face. "It wasn't your fault that Jin'ei was bloodthirsty. It wasn't your fault that Shishio had a desire to take over Japan. It wasn't your fault that Kaoru's father died, or that my life was the way it was before I met you. It wasn't your fault that Enishi mistook your accident for murder. _None_ of that was your fault."

"And the distance between myself and my son? Who else could be blamed for that?"

Yahiko paused for a moment, pondering his answer. "Both of you in a way, I guess; Kenji for not trying to do anything about it. You…" he paused again.

"My pride." Yahiko looked at Kenshin with the same face the former Rurouni wore earlier. "Master Hiko told me that it was my pride that caused me to not resolve things with Kenji. I was too ashamed of who I was, and that shame caused me to be distant. Kenji deserved to know everything sooner, but because I refused to do so, because I used my job to change the subject, he's grown angry. Because of that, I gave Hiko all the permission he needed to tell Kenji everything."

Silence fell over the group again as Yahiko thought about Kenhin's words and situation. Kenshin only stared ahead, looking at the form of his son, grateful for the physical distance but not for the relational distance that was between them. It was difficult to believe that things were becoming this way, that Kenji would become so angry and himself so clueless. He had always pictured himself and Kenji growing stronger in the future, a father and son relationship that would-

"That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard."

"Oro?"

"Of all the things he could have said to help you out, he chose to tell you that your _pride_ was the issue? I swear, I'm never gonna understand that guy."

Kenshin looked back at Kenji, thinking that while he might be the best at knowing his master, he might never understand him either. "Master Hiko has a… unique way of explaining things, that he does."

Yahiko only shook his head and walked faster, mumbling a few words – 'accusation', 'over-blown ego', and 'idiotic' being the few Kenshin could hear. Thunder rumbled in the distance, making him speed up himself. Once he caught up with them, he told them of the thunder and his concerns of being caught in the rain. Both agreed and the pace was quickened until the dojo walls were clearly in sight. By that time, the wind was considerably stronger and more thunder could be heard closer to the city. Yahiko turned to Kenshin, easily blocking their conversation from Kenji's ears. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

Kenshin seemed to ponder this for a moment. It would be nice to have Yahiko over for a while, but the overall intention, getting Kenji to listen, might be shaken a bit if Yahiko is there. "No. Go back home to Tsubame. It would be better for you to do that than stay here and make her worry."

Yahiko nodded. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

With that, Yahiko turned around to Kenji, providing only a hand on the shoulder and a few words before hurrying down the road where they came. Kenji stood watching him go for a moment before Kenshin stopped and urged him on.

"Where's he going?" Kenji asked, pointing to Yahiko's shrinking form heading back to the city.

"He's heading home before the storm gets stronger. We should hurry too. It's not that much farther."

As expected, Kenji was displeased with being alone with his father. He scowled at Kenshin on his way to the dojo doors and never met his father's gaze again. Kenshin didn't expect him to, but the thought still hurt.

Once the two reached the doors of the dojo, Kenshin still had little to no idea of what he was going to say to his son. If Kaoru was to be any help, perhaps a conversation with her was in order before any discussion about his past. Of course Kaoru knew him better than anyone else, and her insight would prove to be useful...

"Do you hear that?" Kenji asked, stopping before placing his hand on the large wooden door. Kenshin stopped and listened harder. A voice babbled on in the air.

"Oh. That would be Miss Misao. I asked her to stay with your mother while I was gone."

Kenji snorted. "Trying to make up for lost time, eh?"

Kenshin ignored his comment and pushed the wooden door open, a smile on his face to greet his wife. Before them, sitting on the awning and eating slices of watermelon, were Misao and Kaoru, the former chatting animatedly while the latter sat with her head propped on her knees.

Obviously, he knew these two better than he thought.

"Himura!"

Kaoru's head shot up when she heard Misao shout. Sure enough, both Himuras were standing in the doorway, grinning broadly despite the weary journey. She sat the watermelon in a bowl and followed Misao to the two men.

"I knew you'd be here soon!" Misao was saying, her hands gripping Kenshin's arms after hugging him - much to the red head's surprise. "I kept telling Kaoru that you'd be back before it rained and even if you didn't you'd still know what to do. Remember, Himura? On our trip to Kyoto all those years ago?"

"I remember Miss Misao, that I do. Especially all the parts where you pestered me for information on Aoshi."

A faint blush crept across Misao's face. "I couldn't help but be concerned, could I?" To avoid any further embarrassment, she turned to Kenji. "You look well, Kenji. How was the trip home?"

Kenji regarded Misao with little interest, not quite familiar with the family friend and not really caring to converse with her. "It was fine. Yahiko is on his way home."

"Ah. I'd wondered. You two must be tired, though! Come on in and we'll get you something to eat! Or maybe you'd like to rest first? It all depends on you two, really..."

Kenshin watched in amusement as Misao took Kenji's arm and lead him, reluctantly it seemed, to the dojo. His gaze remained on his son until a small hand, worn with age and rough sword-play, threaded its fingers through his. He smiled at the contact and turned to Kaoru. "Tadaima ." he whispered.

She grinned at him, more than happy to welcome him home. "Okaerinasai. How was your trip?"

"Warm and long." Kenshin looked once again to the doors were his son departed with Misao. "Master has given us three days until Kenji must return to Kyoto."

"More than enough time."

He silently agreed, running his free hand over their joined ones. "I plan to tell him as soon as possible." He was quiet again, suddenly contemplative and restless. "Before I do, though, I need to talk to you. I need some advice from my friend."

She stared back at him, understanding his words and admiring his frame against the dark clouds. "There should be some tea in the kitchen. He can speak there if you'd like."

He was about to nod when a raindrop fell on his nose. With a soft "Oro?" and a glance to the sky, they both ran, hand in hand, to the dojo when the rain exploded from the sky, thundering across the city, relentless across the dry land.

* * *

In their many years of marriage, the one of the things that Kaoru valued about Kenshin was his ability to speak freely with her. She knew he did that before they were married, pulling her closer to define a battle plan or to tell her something that would change their lives (his goodbye and admission of being home among them), but after they were married he seemed more open with her as if trusting her thoughts or opinions on the secrets working in his mind. It was something she had always wanted when she first met him and something she couldn't get enough of now. 

In the first few months, Kenshin had once described marriage to her as a union in roles. "_There's the role of lovers, companions and friends_," he had said. "_and when I look at you, I don't just see the woman I love, or the warrior who stood by my side in many battles, but I see someone I can talk to, who I can trust with all the thoughts that enter my mind, a friend who goes deeper than any I've ever had."_

When Kenshin had said that he needed advice from his friend, she knew immediately what he was speaking of. As much as she wanted to care for him, she knew he needed to get a few things in the open before anything could be done for him or for Kenji. Sitting before him now, steaming tea sitting on a table and the rain drumming on the rooftop, she watched him light another candle and place it in front of them, admiring the shadows dancing across his face and the open emotion of concern he shared with her.

"Is it something Hiko said to you?"

He sighed. "It's a lot of things Master Hiko said to me."

That was how their evening had started. Kenshin held nothing back as he gave her every word of his conversation with the thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi while Kaoru simply listened, taking into account his every recollection and word.

"So, Hiko believes that it was your pride that stopped you from telling Kenji." She said, giving back the words he had said after he was finished with his story. "But Kenshin, if he believes that it was your pride that stopped you, what does that make of your concern that Kenji would become who you were?"

"That doesn't matter. Kenji is already at the point where he could succeed me at that age. It's because I ignored his questions, pretending that everything could be okay if they were avoided, that Kenji became angry and ultimately wanted nothing to do with me. I was too confident in that."

Kaoru picked up the warm cup and blew into her tea before taking a sip. "I'm having a hard time understanding that. You're the most humble man I've ever known. Thinking of you being prideful… it doesn't make sense to me."

Kenshin paused for a moment before setting down his teacup and leaning forward. "Let me put it in a different scenario: imagine if I had never acknowledged your feelings for me or mine for you, that I pretended every single moment that passed you would forget your feelings and we would just be boarder and wanderer living in the same dojo. You would get frustrated and upset, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would. Any one would if their feelings were ignored."

"Exactly. Kenji and I are in the _exact same _ situation. I ignored his questions, pretending they would dissapear along with his interest. Instead, he only got angrier and more resentful."

"I still don't see what this has to do with your pride."

Kenshin paused. "Do you think the meaning goes deeper?"

"It could." Kaoru paused, staring into the brown pool of tea while Kenshin waited for her answer. "Perhaps he meant your pride as a swordsman."

Kenshin raised an eyebrow. "Kaoru, I don't have pride as a swordsman."

"Every swordsman has a little bit of pride. You have the knowledge and agility to keep yourself alive in desperate situations. Maybe you thought that Kenji could choose a different style, like the Kamiya Kasshin, in order to learn sword play. When you didn't tell him anything and he avoided the Kamiya Kasshin and chose Hiten Mitsurugi... maybe that's when it should have been obvious."

Kenshin's brow furrowed, staring at the face of the table. "It still doesn't make complete sense."

"Maybe it shouldn't." she grinned. "Hiko was never an easy man to figure out."

"In any case, we should listen to his advice and tell Kenji everything and leave out no detail."

"When do you want to tell him?"

Kenshin looked at the door, noting the small raindrops slamming against it, leaving small trails down its length. "Do you think he's awake?"

"You want to tell him now?"

"Now might be the only chance I have. Who knows what the morning could bring?"

"You're sure?"

He grinned, nothing but confidence in his gaze. "I'm sure."

Kaoru set down her tea and rose to her feet, smoothing down her kimono before walking towards the shoji door. "I'll get him if you'd like."

"That'd be nice. It'll give me some time to think."

He had dipped his head to concentrate on the table before him, setting other sounds and thoughts aside to think of how to start the story of his life to his son. When he didn't hear the shoji open, he was ready to turn his head and ask what was wrong before Kaoru sat beside him, wrapping her arms around him much like she did many nights ago when Kenji had first exploded in the dojo demanding to know about his father. He was surprised, pleasently to say the least, and sat still as she held him tightly.

"Hold nothing back, Anata." she whispered, her warm breath fluttering past his ear. "Tell him as you told me before Enishi's revenge." She leaned back, looking into his face with serious eyes. "You won't be alone. I'll be right here beside you, saying nothing."

Despite his relief, he couldn't hold back a small smile. "'Saying nothing'?"

"This is between you and Kenji now."

With that she stood and walked out the shoji door, her steps light and fast against the sound of the rain. Alone with his thoughts, Kenshin suddenly struggled with the thought of explaining everything to his son. Should he really speak the same way he had his friends so long ago? And, with his mother in the room, would he really listen? Kaoru would make him, there was no doubt in his mind about that, but could he get past his anger to forgive his father?

Questions faded as a pair of footfalls became louder. When the shoji was opened, Kaoru could plainly see the struggle and determination set on her husband's face.

"What's this all about?"

Now if only her son would be a little more attentive...

"Have a seat, Kenji." Kenshin said calmly, gesturing to the open space before him on the table.

Kenji scoffed for a moment before obeying, taking his time getting comfortable while Kaoru made her way beside Kenshin. Beneath the table, where his warm hands were clenched in hope of comfort, hers found their way in the tangle of his clothing to take hold, opening them and providing the extra boost he needed. With a deep breath, Kenshin locked eyes with his son and began his tale.

* * *

_The author suddenly wonders if she's tackled too big of a project... nah:)_

_Thank you guys for your patience (as always), but I'm gonna ask for it one more time. I'm in a bit of a fix trying to write the next chapter (I'm stuck between two ways of doing it). Some of my other stories might see another update before this one does again, but hopefully not. I seem to be on an emotional drama craze this year. Weird..._

_That's all for now. See you all in the next chapter! P.S. Brownie points are offered to those who give birthday greetings to the author! _


	9. Your Next Move

The rain had been falling steadily all evening.

A distant rumble of thunder rose Kaoru from her slumber, her tired limbs snaking under the sheets to gather them at her throat. She curled into a little ball, intent on finding her lost comfort and return to sleep. Finding she still shivered at her new position, sleep slowly fading away, she opened one eye and found herself staring at the darkened wall.

Kenshin was gone.

Her eyes focused on the scattered sheets before her. Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she sat up and looked around the room. "Kenshin?"

No sound, no distant noise met her inquiry. She rose, wondering where he could be. Could he be starting chores early? Possibly doing something with Kenji? Or perhaps…

In her haste she had forgotten to roll the futon. It sat with sheets tangled along its length, faint sunlight beating down atop it from the open door.

* * *

Even though it had been years since Kenshin had last been in a real fight, he had always practiced in a clearing only several feet away from the dojo. Tsubame had once mentioned she had found him there, training and strengthening his chi while keeping his technique in top form. It had startled her at first, but when Kenshin explained what he was doing, she felt as ease knowing he was doing all he could to protect them. 

Kaoru would never admit that she was slightly jealous that she hadn't found Kenshin out first, but no one needed to know that.

She reached the clearing just as the rain began to sprinkle, the droplets seeming to gain new life when the sun touched them. They moved across her line of vision, much like Kenshin did before her, his actions graceful and every bit as sharp as they were when she first met him. It was strange to see him without his sakabatou, his movements limited because of it, but at the same time it seemed he was able to do the same amount of practicing without it. His arms cut in sharp angles and swooped in wide arcs – he surprised her a moment later by doing several consecutive flips, each wider and higher than the last. He was still in top shape, it seemed.

His movements slowed a moment later, a cool-down from the intensity of his workout. When he stilled completely she could see his profile, small beads of sweat mixing with the drizzling rain as it landed on his form. His breaths were deep and long, his eyes closed.

When she shifted a branch broke beneath her feet. She caught every trace of the smile that formed on his face.

"You don't need to go." He said quietly, his voice hoarse like he hadn't used it yet. "Yours was always a comforting presence."

She stepped through the brush, following him to a rock where he had discarded his gi. It stuck to him a bit when he put it on, but he didn't seem to mind. "Did I wake you?"

She shook her head, adjusting the collar around his neck. "You never have before. I wasn't expecting you to be here."

"It's merely to clear my mind, that it is. I'm sorry if I worried you."

She took one arm and linked it through his, the other brushing away the comment. "I'm used to it by now." She stared at his face, watching his eyes scan the woods as they made their way back to the dojo. "How are you? Are you okay?"

He gave the question serious consideration before answering. "I'm not sure. I do feel better knowing that I've told him everything, but at the same time it's strange to think he knows."

"At least there aren't any more questions, right?"

A memory from the previous evening flashed in his mind. _"You're going to tell me everything? Nothing held back?"_

"No, Kaoru. There will always be questions."

* * *

Kenji's questions had been one of the most intimidating moments he could remember in his life. It was strange to think that simple thoughts could jar him, but then again Kenshin had never credited himself to being able to keep secrets, especially ones that involved deep scars he never wished to reveal. Kenji's thoughts were only valid, but it was the ice behind them – the monotone and bluntness when spoken – that made it harder to answer them. He almost felt like a small child being questioned once again by Master Hiko on a poor decision he had made that resulted in a fatal mistake – had the scenario been real. 

_"You can't hold anything back, Baka Deshi, but at the same time you must think. Plan ahead! If you can't execute an attack with proper intensity, there's no way you're going to have enough time to counter once the enemy knows your mistake! Think before you attack. Know your enemy!"_

Kenshin could only wish he had listened to his master's advice sooner. Maybe then life wouldn't be the way that it was. Maybe Kenji wouldn't hold so much hatred.

His thoughts made him stop suddenly, the realization stabbing him in the heart.

Would he really trade everything that he had for another chance to think things through? Would everything be worth it – thinking through Tomoe's final hours, not wandering, settling in somewhere other than Tokyo, never getting involved with Aoshi or the Oniwabannshuu, avoiding Makoto Shishio's plot, ignoring Enishi's thirst for revenge – if he could think through it a while longer?

_"Think ahead, Baka Deshi! What's your next move?"_

"Kenshin?"

He looked down. Blue eyes filled with curiosity looked back at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

A home, a healthy son, a loving wife, and friends who would come when he called were more than he could ever dream he would have. He took her hand and set it back to its place on his forearm, smiling at her. "I'm sure."

He wouldn't trade anything at all.

* * *

"You're back early." 

Kenji paused a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the low lighting in the small hut. He found the large form by the fire as expected. "There was nothing left to discuss."

"He told you, then?"

"Yes. He told me everything; from training with you to Enishi's revenge. Every detail."

Hiko's gaze continued to stare into the fire. "Good. How did you get back here?"

He could almost see Kenji squirm out of the corner of his eye. "I, uh… took the train."

"How did you get the money?"

Another pause. "From Yahiko."

"Another debt for you to pay, it seems. Fine. It's no concern of mine that you're back so early. It's more time for your training. First get me some water from the river and we'll begin."

* * *

He had been angry the last time he was here. 

The river flowed as smoothly as it did that last time. The air didn't seem quite as humid, but maybe that was because his thoughts weren't as dark as they were last time. He felt oddly… peaceful, the last thing he expected when he departed to Tokyo behind his father's request.

_"You're going to tell me everything?"_

His father had told him everything that rainy night, from his adoption with Hiko to his marriage to Tomoe and her tragic death; wandering for ten years before a dojo master was brave enough to challenge him with nothing more but courage and a bokken; fighting off numerous thirsts for his death and nearly facing his own when Kaoru's death had been faked… it was enough to make his head swim but it didn't make him angry.

It had only made him all the more curious.

_"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"_

The question had seemed innocent enough, but the looks his parents gave him almost made him forget he had wanted to ask. They had promised to answer every question after all, but he had suddenly wondered if that was a good idea. His father's eyes, while clear, fully revealed his reluctance to answer the question.

_"Kenji…"_

The cool water poured over his hands, startling him out of his thoughts. He blushed momentarily, wondering what Hiko would have said had he spotted his pupil daydreaming.

_He would have insulted me to no end. I wouldn't hear the end of it._

He lifted the bucket out of the water and made his way through the woods. The sun, peeking through the trees, only served to make the day warmer. Kenji hated warm days. Hiko would work him until he dropped to his knees and could stand no more.

_"Think ahead, Baka Deshi! What's your next move?"_

Hopefully, Okaa-san wouldn't be worried that he left so early. Something told him that she was fine with the decision even if she wondered why he would leave so quickly. Perhaps a letter was in order to assure her he was fine and pleased with what had occurred the previous evening.

He paused in his steps, glancing towards the cloudless sky.

_"There was nothing but shame in my past. Everything inside me said that you didn't need to know no matter how hard you tried. I couldn't think of any other way to not tell you about who I was. I was trying to help you, Kenji, not frustrate you. I know that in the end it only ended up hurting you, but I hope that after tonight you might see my reasoning and understand it somehow. I never meant to hurt you."_

Maybe he would address it to Otou-san instead.

* * *

"That's what she did?" 

"That's what she did."

"No explanation or anything?"

"Nope. Nothing at all."

Kaoru couldn't help it. She grinned at Yahiko, thankful he was sitting on the step lower than the one she was at. She put her hand on his head. "Yahiko no baka."

"She didn't have to make me sleep outside." He groaned, rubbing his neck when Kaoru removed her hand.

"I didn't know Tsubame had such a backbone."

"I didn't either."

"Well, maybe this'll teach you to tell her everything next time. I recall Kenshin saying something about how you gave him similar advice."

"Did he listen to me?"

"Of course he did. Regardless, he would have told me anyway!"

"How was I supposed to know that was good advice? I've only been married a few years."

"Most people understand something like that by now, Yahiko."

Yahiko ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. I screwed up, okay? I'm man enough to admit it."

"Now what are you going to do?"

"Hope she hasn't locked me out of the house."

"What if she has?"

"I'm gonna wait."

"How long?"

He groaned again. "Until she lets me in."

Kaoru smiled. "Good pupil. You do listen after all!"

"Every once in a while, Busu."

The hand that once rested on his head returned but with more force. Yahiko knocked it away. "That hurts!"

"You're lucky I don't make you clean the dojo floors. Go to Tsubame and get things sorted out. You'll be better for it!"

Yahiko had grumbled when he stood and made his way to the dojo doors, but at least she had gotten her point across. She knew he was aware of what he had to do. He just didn't want to do it.

_Lazy. I trained him better than that._

"Has Yahiko left?"

Kaoru stood and turned to Kenshin, swatting some dust away from her kimono. "Just a moment ago. I finally convinced him to sort things out with Tsubame."

"He could have stayed with us."

"Oh, no he couldn't have. He would have been sleeping outside again. He knows better than that."

A small grin formed on his face. "You've got a mean streak in you, that you have."

"Of course. How else could I have dealt with everything I have in my life?"

She noticed the warm spark in his eyes, how alert he looked and brighter his countenance seemed. He was rubbing a cloth over his hands before taking the rope off from his sleeves. "I was thinking about making lunch soon. Is there anything in particular you'd like?"

She didn't answer. He raised an eyebrow. "Kaoru?"

"You've been thinking again."

He wasn't expecting that. "Oro?" he said, amused. "What do you mean by that?"

"You know what I mean. You look different from this morning. You've come to a conclusion, haven't you?"

Her curiosity, amplified by a pointing finger, almost made him take a step back. He raised a hand and set it on hers, pointing the offending finger downward. "About the other night?"

She nodded her head. His expression, though loosing a little bit of the light it held moments earlier, remained the same. "Yes, I have."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, giving him a chance to object if he wanted. She was curious, but she wouldn't press the matter if he wasn't ready to speak about it.

"There's little to talk about." He said matter-of-factly, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her into the kitchen. "I've just decided that I've done everything I can. There will be questions – there always will be – but those will come later. At the moment the best I can do is hope that Kenji is willing to do something to help rebuild our relationship."

"Kenshin…"

"It's enough for now, Koishii."

While truth rang in his words, Kaoru couldn't help but wonder how he had come up with the decision so quickly. She watched him move the knife across the cutting board, his focused but content expression both pleasing and irritating her.

_He must have thought of something while training this morning._

He had said little when escorting her back to the dojo. He had chores to do that wouldn't wait – she noticed later that he hadn't said anything about the laundry, which might have been a good thing – and getting started on them would only help get a start on the day. She hadn't complained; after all, the dojo needed cleaning and a small group of students would be making their way into its doors later that afternoon. It only made her curious that he would give himself so much time to think. All that time and the simple solution was all he came up with?

"It's enough for now, Koishii."

His words startled her. She looked at him and discovered she had been caught daydreaming, a gentle smile on his lips. The man knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. She sighed and smiled back, satisfied with his answer even if she didn't understand it herself. "It's enough for now."

"Kaoru! Kaoru!"

They both turned to the voice growing louder. Footfalls raced to the dojo door, a shoji door slammed open and shut before Yahiko emerged waving a letter in his hands.

"Yahiko? What's wrong?"

He took a deep breath before answering. "I was standing in front of my house like you told me to, and a delivery boy asked me if I knew where this place was saying he had a letter. I told him I knew and I ran it over here."

"A letter? So early in the afternoon?"

"The date is a few weeks old. It's from Kenji."

Kenshin and Kaoru glanced at each other for a moment. With a small shrug, Kenshin went back to making dinner. "Go ahead, Kaoru. I'm sure it's for you anyway."

"It's addressed to you, Kenshin."

The knife on the cutting board froze only for a moment. Kenshin turned, doing his best to hide it. "Really?" he said, cleaning his hands with a cloth. Yahiko held the letter out for him to see. In Kenji's small but neat writing the kanji for his name stared back at him.

Not Kaoru. _Him._

A flicker of hope sparked in him. Kaoru put a hand on his arm, waiting for him to open it. "Kenshin?"

Fear gripped him. Kenji had never written to him. Letters addressed to Kaoru only had vague implications of interest in his father's well being. He was sure when he opened the letter he would find it addressed to his wife with a few mentions of his own name.

"Are you going to open it, Kenshin?"

Kenshin looked at Yahiko with a smile, feeling guilty that it felt so fake. "Of course I am." His hands unfolded the paper while his heart beat faster. His eyes met the letters on the page.

_Otou-san and Okaa-san…_

It was addressed to the both of them. He could feel a genuine smile slowly spread on his face.

It wasn't the answer. But it was a beginning.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Writing this story over the course of two years has brought to my attention two of many points - that plots can develop a life of their own, and life _always_ steps in the way of bringing that plot to the page. My writing style has changed tremendously from when I graduated, but I look at this story with fond memories. After all, taking myself on an adventure through an emotional world that I had never been to was the purpose of writing this story in the first place. Because of that, there are a number of people to thank. 

For starters, _anime insomniac, _for her courage in taking over the beta job for a story that was already well in progress. I think you were the voice of assurance in those chapters with Hiko. :)

A buddy of mine, _S. Y._, for telling me day after day, "You know, it isn't as bad as you think it is..."

All the authors who took risks in the RuroKen fanfic world, making my imagination go into overdrive and refusing to let go until I actually _wrote _something.

A **_big_** shout-out also goes to all the reviewers who stayed with me through this writing development in my life. Without your encouragement, I'm sure I would have given up on this story a long time ago. You guys are _awesome_!

Finally, last but certainly not least, to Jesus Christ, who helped me see, despite how hard it can be to write about something that I don't understand, that this is the profession that I really do want to pursue.

Thank you all again!

Sean Montgomery


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